Horrible race today which I have decided is, a), a wake up call and, b), a reminder that some races are golden and some races are ... not. Today was not. I didn't sleep at all last night - I saw 1am and was getting up at 3.50am. Why couldn't I sleep? Oh, 1001 reasons but too many thoughts going through my head. I really must admit to myself that the last month or so I have let training slip away while I looked for a new job and recovered from being made redundant from a job I worked my butt off at. My time was 2hr 2min and 16sec or so and I was aiming for under 2 hours. There were factors at work against me, like no WATER at water stations which meant I had to race around to find a cup and some fresh or at least clean water on three occasions.
The main factor, however, was my head. I was not in a good space and haven't been for a while now. The lack of sleep meant that when I woke up this morning I decided I was running for my grandfather who died from cancer nine years ago. What that meant, however, at 18km was that I got teary thinking that I wasn't doing the run for ME, I was doing it for him and he would never have given in like I had. He was the most amazing man, he went through so much in WWII and yet could turn it all around to be a gentle and lovely human being. I loved him so much and the saddest thing is that I really do not think he ever knew just how much I thought of him. I would give anything to have one more day with him to tell him how much I think of him.
Anyhoo, onwards and upwards. I am starting a fresh leaf, starting tonight with a good night's sleep and a sleep in. This week is mine and I will do whatever I need to to get me through the current sadness I feel. I wish I could reach into the heavens, grab my grandad and tell him I love him one more time. Obviously, I cannot ... instead I want to make him proud every day.
What a day, what a race ... things can only get better.
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