Sunday, 28 December 2008


My quads don't hurt anymore! I can go up and down steps without needing to hang on to the handrail for dear life! Whooo hoooo, break through. And not a day too late either as tomorrow I have big plans for making a triumphant return to the gym after nearly two weeks off due to sickness and being out whoop-whoop for the Christmas festivities.

The last post was not good I realise, but I just need to vent. Feeling much better about the whole thing now. Although NOT feeling good about the Lindt chocolate balls I ate last night! Argh. Only two, but it's not like I need any more calories to inflate my thighs. Argh. Oh well, back on the plan.

Saturday, 27 December 2008

Scary Man

So, this happened a few days ago now - last weekend in fact and I'm still trying to come to terms with exactly what happened.

Saturday was quite a rotten day for me as I felt dreadful, couldn't sleep allllll day. Was supposed to go out on the town with an old friend of mine, S, but obviously there was no way that was happening. Had a bit of a oopsy though as I hadn't heard from her about the night for a good week, and then didn't hear from her on the day until 5pm or so but didn't check my phone until 6.30pm. Then, well, I did mean to reply but then some events took over which kind of distracted me.

A friend of D's and I was having b'day drinks at the nearby but obviously could not go as felt urgh and couldn't drink. However, in the spirit of charity I offered to pick D up from his place, drop him off and then pick him up again afew hours later and drop him home, and then stay. Nice idea right? WELL, this turned into me dropping him off at his sports club's presentation thingo at midday and picking him up again at 5pm - so he could have a few drinks. It was the Christmas Party day sort of thing, so I figured "oh, ALRIGHT". I was sick, but I was right to drive 20 mins etc. When I picked him up he was well on his way - five drinks or so, standing out in the sun, eating crappy food. He stunk! And I didn't feel well, so when he tried to kiss me I was like "don't, I'm sick and don't want to give it to you" and he was like "awww, I don't care". Blah. Then he got upset/cranky because I wouldn't kiss him. Trust me, it was NOT a good idea, I was sinus ache city.

Drove him back to his place and then spent about 40 minutes harassing him to hurry up, ironing him a shirt and jeans, making him have a shower, wash his hair, USE SOAP and the like and finally got out the door and there to drop him off at 7pm.

Went back to my place to watch TV, do washing and generally feel like SHITE until I picked him up at around 11pm. By which stage my sinus headache (dunno if you have these, but they hurt sooo bad your teeth ache) was making me feel ill, my eyes felt like they were burning AND I felt totally weird from the Sudafed etc. Well, D had topped up the five or so drinks he'd had at the sports preso thing with about 5 more so was totally smashed (he's a lightweight). And - I'm gonna say it - while he started out cute, he quickly turned kinda mean. We were driving home and he was kinda rattling away, but talking so loudly it make my headache even worse. So - and I WAS actually nice about this - I asked him to just be quiet for a little while because my head was hurting. He was like, oh right, so do you want ME to drive. Obviously it was a big NO to that one, but that obviously gets him telling me he's not drunk and insisting he drives. Heh, another big no way on that.

But all of this just seems to magnify my sickness and we drive home with me feeling so ill I want to just crash - gently - so I don't have to keep my eyes open, and D sulking about me not wanting to kiss him or let him drive my car.

When we got back to his place it got pretty damn mean. Started OFF with him being all sooky la la, saying he loved me etc … but then he starts telling me I don't love him, have never loved him blah blah, he doesn't know why I bother. You know the sort of thing, he was like "why do you even BOTHER, why are you wasting your time? It's obviously you don't love me or want to be with me etc etc", and frankly I was just too sick and tired to keep telling him I did love him. PLUS he was drunk so I just wanted to let him sleep it off (he wasn't far from the passing out stage, attractive). I can't quite recall what turned him, but he just went off, swearing, yelling and slamming doors. Now, obviously I was not in the most objective of states … but it kinda freaked me out, he had a really nasty edge to his voice and look on his face … not helped by the fact he was drunk, you know how sometimes people LOOK completely different when they're drunk? Well, he looked like a stranger. I've never been scared of him ever, ever, ever of course … but for some reason the yelling, door slamming and abuse (it was nasty) was so out of character I wasn't ruling anything out, so I decided I didn't want to be around him anymore and basically took off. Grabbed my stuff and went out to the car and really just intended to go home and let him sleep it off.

Obviously he followed me out to the car, abusing me all the way and saying "you do this and we're DONE, I've had a gutful of you" blah blah. It really was quite horrendous. Well, I got as far as the end of the driveway and had to stop in the street because the combined effect of crying and having quite bad head cold was REALLY affecting my ability to see OR breathe due to masses of … well, let's just say it was messy! D had gone back into the house, so I thought it would all be fine and sat there quietly trying to calm down (parked by the kerb of course) … but then he comes storming out with an armful of my stuff, bangs on the window and dumps it on the ground telling me to pick it up or he'll leave it for anyone to take. Then he told me I looked like a tool for sitting out in the street (in the car) and storms back into the house.

Urgggh. So got out of the car to retrieve my stuff, feeling well and truly like a tool - a sick tool at that - wondering what the hell has happened to my nice, sweet guy, when he comes charging out of the house again with more of my stuff. Oh blah, it's not worth going into … but basically I managed to EXPLAIN to him that I hadn't driven away yet because I didn't think I should be driving since I was A) sick, B) tired, C) upset and D) exhausted after spending the day and night driving him around. Not sure how/why but he convinced me to go back inside, saying I could sleep upstairs and leave whenever I wanted - he didn't give a sh*t but he didn't want me crashing and killing myself on his conscience. Noice.

Sooooo, went into one of the bedrooms upstairs, slammed my OWN door and basically sat down and tried to calm down. Unfortunately all the upset, sickness, headache and exhaustion combined to make me REALLY sick and I had to run out to be sick in the toilet. Soooo classy. Anyway, D then came up and offered me a glass of water and apologised 1001 times. He asked why I'd run off and I explained it, said while I'd never been worried he would hit me … I know that alcohol can affect a person's judgement etc and you just never know. Said I just wanted to get away from him while he was like that. Anyway, we sat and talked for a while before I decided to go to bed to sleep. Woke up hours later with him stinking like a brewery sleeping next to me. Grrr.

Sunday he was feeling v. sorry for himself, but I did NOT relent and took off early. He rang me several hours later to apologise again, reiterating that he would never hurt me - even if he was drunk etc. Asked him if he remembered the stuff he'd said to me the night before, like about how I needed help because I was "so f*cked up" and wouldn't let anyone it. OMFG, pot calling the kettle black or what. He said he didn't remember anything really, except that we'd been fighting and he'd chucked all my stuff on the lawn near the car. Did NOT have any sympathy as I still felt so sick from being upset/exhausted AND actually sick sick, and basically told him to 'f off himself and never talk to me again.

Gahhhh. He rang me back later, after he'd slept a bit more, to apologise and basically admitted that he only ever saw things from his side and he'd never imagined that I might freak out at him acting SO out of character and being so drunk (he was really gooooone). And mean. He said some mean stuff I have to say. He asked if I would ever be able to forgive him, and I was like "of course, but do you really think I can forget the image of you dumping all my stuff on the lawn and calling me pathetic etc?" I DO believe he was genuinely remorseful, but frankly isn't any abuser sorry after the fact?

So now we're both in that wonderful place we seem to inhabit, relationship limbo. We can't see a clear way forward, there's a huge mess behind us and we're both upset at ourselves and each other. Gaaah.

It's just all too hard. However, my cold has just about cleared up. So much so that on Christmas Day I was able to go for a big run (10kms) which has left me with the sorest quads in Oz after I failed to stretch properly. Fool! I know so much better than that!

Friday, 19 December 2008

Kinda sick and kinda cranky

Just friggin' perfect I tells ya! Survived 99.9 per cent of the year, including a wet and miserable winter, without getting sick only to fall at the final post and catch a cold. I know I'm not alone here, because yesterday when I was in the chemist buying cold and flu stuff there was a host of other people doing the same thing! Ha ha. Oh well. I hadn't been doing too badly up until then, but now cannot breathe through nose and throat is sooooo sore, not to mention the fact my head feels like it's stuffed full of cotton-wool. Blah, whinge whinge.

Up until this point I had been doing a lot of self pep talking. I actually felt like mentally I was getting back to where I wanted to be. I kept buying slimming and health mags, reading websites etc etc looking up weight loss and motivation tips. But then I recognised my old pattern! Duh. Instead of just doing I was looking for external help. And I don't need any! Well, at least I don't need too much. I realised I wasn't going to get anywhere READING about things, I needed to get back to that place where my motivation was self-perpetuating. IE: Ooooh, I felt great after that run on Saturday, must go for another one. Or, gee it felt good to wear that cute dress and know it looked nice, must keep the focus! Much better to feel like that than wish could hide away from people in PJs and stay on the couch.

Half of it is actually me turning my brain OFF. Stop thinking and just do, stop doubting and just do. And especially when it comes to food. Somehow when I was super focussed I got into the habit of just saying "no" to myself and others. You know, when my mind wandered off and was thinking "hmm, fancy a bit of chocolate???" I would say NOOOO. These days I enter into a conversation with myself that goes along the lines of: "mmm, bit of chocolate/biscuit/cake would be nice right now, I could have a cup of tea with it too", "nah, you don't want to do that - minute on the lips a lifetime on the hips", "oh blaaaah, you sound like gran ... besides, I can burn it off another time", "ha ha, well doesn't THAT sound like a certain person three years ago? Well, don't come crying to ME when your jeans won't do up ... ", "HAH, why would I bother? Right, where's that choclit". Or something, either way - I eat the stuff! So, note to self - do not enter into conversation with crazy inner voice.

Same thing applies to that inner voice re: exercise. Today, and yesterday, I allowed it to win because I was really too sick to argue OR face sweating with running nose, headache, sore throat and slight fever (was only at work due to vastly depleted staff numbers). Tomorrow however will not be the same! Determined to go for a nice long walk in the morning (cannot face running ... although, we shall see) and then get to the gym for some Pump! Supposed to be going out with a friend of mine, but I think illness will have to be excuse to avoid. Not really up for it in current state, plus she can be VERY full on on such nights ... lovin' the spotlight, so generally doing things that draw it to her, but I am often caught in it with her! Heh, at the risk of sounding old, maybe when I was 22 I wouldn't have minded a bunch of drunk idiots trying to get off with me ... now am just too crabby and spot a moron far too quickly.

Hmm, this is a nothing post. Blame the cold and flu stuff, it makes me feel weird! Very soon I will get back to more sensible blog stuff not waffling all over the place but talking about what I want to do and why, and HOW.

La la la.

Friday, 12 December 2008

Anti-social baaa humbug etc

Not really anti-social ... but I did skip out on the work (one of several) Christmas party today. Why???? When I was soooo looking forward to it. Ha ha. Well, first of all I was KNACKERED after having to work by myself for six hours covering the work of two people because the girl who was supposed to be working with me had some car trouble ... well, the clutch went anyway. That pretty much kills the car, so she was practically two hours late. An ill-timed morning coffee meant I held my breakfast off for about an hour longer than usual, and then I had an apple at 11am which meant that by my usual "lunchtime" at 12 (I wake up at 5am), I wasn't hungry. Soooo I just kept on working, intending to leave with everyone at 1.45pm to go the Christmas party.

Duhhh is all I have to say. Starting to feel well dodgy due to dropping energy levels, plus cup of tea really didn't help situation. Not sure what was going on, drank a heap of water to help alleviate the situation but did nothing. I'm sure it also had something to do with sitting down for, like, six hours straight due to being flat out. At one stage I was even contemplating making a quick dash to the loo, I was feeling so ill. I struggled through though, I cannot face the prospect of puking at work. Gah.

Anyhoo, I think I did the right thing for me. I left early, half an hour early, and got in a quick spot of Christmas shopping. Got the presents sorted for two family members, just need to sort it for two more. Came home and had piece of toast, Burgen Soy & Lin of course, then flaked out on the couch with a cup of tea in front of Ghostbusters. Heh, such a silly movie but packed with classic one-liners. Feeling much better now, so plan to head off to early morning Bikram tomorrow morn before hitting the shops to knock over my last bit of Chrissy shopping by midday.

It's funny though. Caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror earlier and thought "oh god, puffy blahhh" etc, but really nothing has changed from yesterday when was feeling sprightly and fit. Difference? Well, didn't do Bikram or gym or anything. Frankly I think shopping should count as cardio, especially the way I shop (ie: 5 presents bought in 30 minutes from 5 different shops scattered across shopping centre) - marching around as quickly as crowds permit. I hate shopping, it's so booooring. Plus people just get in the blimmin' way. Think the crudite weather also has something to do with it, today only got to 18C and it was grey, rainy and windy. Um, helloooooo - it's summer? Where is the damn SUN and heat. Oddly enough, it seems to be turning up tomorrow when temps will jump by 16C or so to 34!! Well, I prefer THAT to this any day.

Hmm, this is a pointless entry. Think where I was going was that was being anti-social wench and not attending Christmas party with good amount of free booze, good people to talk to and stuff ... but really, I just couldn't face it. Plus it was on the other side of the city and in an area where parking is crap ... ooooh, excuses, excuses. I'm old and tired! Oh, and there are TWO more parties next week - both on my side of the city - which I am definitely attending. That's right - we have four Christmas parties! I think a fifty per cent attendance rate is good enough.

I cannot believe it's only 12 days to Christmas!!! Bugger.

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Ouch, OMG and a variety of other whinges

Ha ha ha. Yep, I've done myself in.
Spurred on by previous disaster weekend, and potentially disastrous week I've successfully hammered myself in two days.

Yesterday I was a shimmering and shining success. The champagne breakfast did not involve champagne, nor OJ for me ... just H2O and two poached eggs on multi grain toast with no butter. Toast was naturally an inch thick, so I only ate one piece. Still not SUPER good, but better than the corn-fritters, pancakes and French toast my colleagues and fellow morning diners tucked in to. Of course, yes, I had MAJOR food envy and had to stop myself several times from launching myself over the table to snatch the fork off my friend, J, and shove the maple-syrup dripping blueberry pancake into MY mouth. Ha ha. But didn't. Did have two skim lattes which left me buzzing for the rest of the day.

Lunch, for my colleague who's leaving work, was also not so bad. I had only ONE beer ... well, we were at a bier cafe - it was the done thing, and had a chicken Caesar with the dressing on the side naturally. Again I suffered from major food envy as everyone else ordered the traditionally Vienna schnitzels, or chicken schnitzel etc. The salad was v. good, but good lord I was so glad I remembered to ask for the dressing on the side (a while ago I forgot, and there was SO much in the bowl there was a good inch at the bottom ... and then, boy, did I feel sick), because it was very very rich and very heavy on the anchovies. I only ate a few pieces of the chicken, but all the tomato (in Caesar salad? Oh well), lettuce, cucumber (again, in Caesar salad? Oh well) and only one of the Parmasean crusted huge croutons. Mmm, tasty.

After that I wandered home for a while (my day off) and enjoyed some couch-action (a nap), did some washing etc and then decided to go to Bikram before my dinner. They recommend you don't drink alcohol 24-hours ahead of doing one (to prevent dehydration), but I had probably drunk about two litres of water and drunk about another litre before the class. Oh boy, it was tough. I have been really pushing myself hard in Bikram lately, to really push my body into the correct postures ... not just hang out in the beginners postures. The beginners postures are the ones the instructor lets you get away with because you simply cannot do the move, but they always add "eventually you are aiming to get your elbows BEHIND your knees, your head ON your knee etc etc". It's been damn hard, and for the first time my first two or three weeks, I've been sore afterwards, so I guess I'm really working.

So, after the sweat-fest that is Bikram, I went off to my dinner appointment with my fabulous mate ... after having a cool shower, drying hair, and attempting to put clothes on despite the fact I was still a touch sticky. Make-up was done on the train ... once my face had cooled enough not to simply melt off. We actually skipped dinner. I was just completely over food, so my friend got some chips and alright, I may have pinched one or two because they were SO damn good. And then we had a good five G&Ts - all before 7pm - and of course a super-fun catch up and bitch session.

My mate starts work at 4am, so we finished up by 7pm so she could get home and get sorted for her 3am wake-up, and I headed home in nice state of tipsy-ness with slight headache. Heh, I actually think you're also supposed to avoid alcohol for 24-hours AFTER Bikram too. Drank a v. good amount of water once home and had some super low-fat (ie, none) and low carb vegetable and lentil soup I made a while ago and froze for these occasions.

This morning I took myself off to the gym for a nice tough Pump class ... well, tough because I upped my weights on a few tracks just to really feel the burn (and yep, I did), and then did a good 40 minute walk which ended with a trip to the supermarket and me lugging home a good 7kg bag of groceries after deciding to get two litres of milk instead of one (it was two for $4), and a litre of Greek yoghurt (that's 3kg right there), plus I couldn't resist the delish looking yellow nectarines, or the menindee grapes (green ones) ... and, for shame, I bought a mango for nearly $4. But I will enjoy it! Will shivering with middle-class guilt. Anyway, it was bloody heavy and I had to walk the 15 or so mins home with it, alternating shoulders (was in an over-the-shoulder green bag).

I have to admit, after that I was kinda knackered. My final day off before back on for 30 hours (in 3 days), so have been doing the usual washing, cleaning, ironing (god, how boring) so I can not worry about work clothes at 5am.

Heh, this blog is supposed to be about me running ... yes, there has been a dreadful lack of super-running of late, well, in the last two weeks, for two main reasons. Sore back from ... uh, undetermined, possibly tripping down steps while on hols, or hitting back on wall at wedding (dancing with some guy who spun me out and ... out I went, into a wall). Second reason, sore knee from falling down stairs at same wedding. Right knee took the brunt of my fall down two stairs onto the ground ... really should've paid more attention. It's still bruised some damn uglee colours nine days later. I went for a short 30 min run on Saturday, back wasn't too bad ... but knee ached like a biatch. Took myself for a good 40 minute walk on Sunday and knee was still aching away, so resting it until Saturday (resting from running that is) and then will do Bay Run and see how it goes.

On the running front. I am so, so, SO desperately sad about Kerryn McCann's death. In case you (whoever "you" may be) weren't sure, Kerryn McCann was Australia's superstar marathon runner. She discovered a lump in her breast half-way through her second pregnancy, which turned out to be breast cancer, but opted not to have any treatment until after the birth of her baby. Kerryn started treatment directly after giving birth (ie: within the hour!) and beat it. Unfortunately she developed a secondary cancer in her liver and, as is often the case, that finished her off. Anyway, I just found it so, so sad because she is leaving behind two young kids, a fabulous loving husband ... and her career was far from over. Plus, on a more personal level, if someone as fit and healthy as Kerryn can die from cancer it's a stark reminder that cancer doesn't care if you've eaten well, exercised, kept healthy etc. Obviously that doesn't mean I'm gonna start smoking again, eating crap etc etc because "if it's gonna happen, I can't do nuffink about it", but it just made me say a secret prayer that my friends and family are spared. Especially my parents. Without wanting to finish on a gloomy note, sometimes when caller ID says it's them calling - especially at unusual times of the day or night - my heart sinks and I almost brace myself for bad news. Eeep.

Back to running on the weekend! I promise. In fact I must because I bloody miss it!

Saturday, 6 December 2008

Keeping on Track

At the risk of sounding like a whingey whiner ... god it's hard to be good during the silly season. In the next three days I have a boozy lunch, champagne breakfast and - on the same day - a colleague's leaving lunch. Friday is the work Christmas party, Saturday another party ... and on it goes.

I know all the classic tips for avoiding over-eating and over-drinking. You know, drink water first, alternate alcoholic drinks with water, avoid salty/fried/fatty etc nibbles, eat something healthy before you go so you're not as hungry or tempted to eat crap than you want to. It's just not that EASY when you're faced with silver platters of gorgeous food, champagne glasses that seem to refill themselves and it could be the desert for how difficult it can be to find water. Then, of course, there's the impact the consumption of all of the above on your ability to drag yourself out of bed early for a run or to go to the gym, and similarly AFTER work you often have to rush home to get ready, or rush home to flake out on the couch exhausted from late nights and bad food.

Having said that ... I am REALLY trying. Trying to be super saintly with gym and food and running. Had little chat with myself last night, pointing out how when I run and eat healthy I feel so much better ... so surely it's logical that I do these things rather than try to turn myself into a wine bag. After two drinks or so that logical thinking just seems to leave me and I say "oh what the hell" and hook in.

Anyway, went for a nice hilly run this morning at 6am to avoid the heat of the day ... was already quite warm, and by 8am temps were hitting 29C. Yay, summer. Unfortunately spending the day INSIDE at work, poo! Bright side is that I then have three days off. Noice.

Welp, better get back to it. Hmm, cup of tea first though I think!

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Human Again

Hurrah. Has taken me two days to expel the "wedding disaster" toxins from my body. Yesterday was just a waste of space. But by the evening felt well enough to write down a whole heap of stuff for tonight's "serious chat" with D. In my mind tonight is really the last roll of the dice. It was very painful, but I decided to write down everything that I was thinking because I have so many different thoughts jostling for position that sometimes I find it hard to articulate any one of them. I've never really done this before ... will see if there's any benefit. But I think often D gets confused because my thoughts, hopes and fears spill out of me in random spasms ... this way I plan on at least saying everything I need to in a hopefully calm way.

Today is last day of action. Flat clean up continues full steam ahead, have done ALL the washing - including the annoying hand washing of delicates - and washed all sheets and towels which had been waiting for a sunny day. Today is the chuck day. Cleaning out the fridge, getting all eBay clothes out and photographed, chucking out things that are either too big, too old or whatever. Then doing the usual - dusting, mopping, vacuuming, scrubbing etc etc. THEN we shall see where we're at ... will either pop to the beach for a few hours, or will just do shopping for tonight's dinner. Hah, have to say how horrified I was to discover I own over 20 "green bags" (shopping bags made from recycled materials). No-one needs this many. So am putting 5 in the car, keeping 5 in the hour and giving the rest to parents and D ... who I'm pretty sure I've inadvertently pinched a few of them from. Going to chuck out the old phone books which the previous owner here kept for some reason, clean out the laundry and ... yeah. Sounds like a lot I realise, but this place is probably 20 square metres in total so it's not like I'm doing a whole house. It's two medium sized rooms. Vacuuming takes literally 10 mins. The bathroom and kitchen are both about 3m x 2m so mopping takes about 30 seconds, or maybe a minute. Ha ha.

That way can have tomorrow to really fully chill out, get to the gym/running nice and early (getting up at 5.30am to prepare for returning to work and 6am starts), do some grocery shopping and then get myself to the beach for some reading. Hmm, did mean to go swimsuit shopping and buy a tank top that isn't falling down (bits have shrunk substantially since last summer), but cannot face prospect of swimwear shopping right now. Far too happy to put myself through that!

So - to action! Yeah!

Sunday, 30 November 2008

The End is Nigh

Quite sad ... only three days of my holiday to go. Back in Sydney town after the best part of three weeks in dear on JB, now have three days to get some home stuff done. Really want to overhaul the flat ... well, go through my junk and chuck a good amount out and reorganise. And we're talking super me-esque organisation, whoo hoo.

The time at home with the ol' folks was brilliant ... a touch draining because of their bickering (they really ARE like children sometimes), and I sort of felt like I had to be on my best behaviour at all times ... but that's parents for you. So, that aside it was brilliant. Did about 80km of running, which was good! Got to the local gym once for a Pump class and it was good ... but kinda weird, because there was some girl behind me who was, like, SUPER pumped and in pretty much every track she would get to a tough point and go "whoooooooo hooooooooo" or "yeeeeehaaaa" at the top of her voice. Plus she was very vocal in terms of grunting/straining. Was a touch off-putting ... not least because I had trouble not laughing.

Best day was my second-last morning there ... saw sun outside so basically ran down to the beach, having learnt to make the most of ANY sun. It was only 8.30am and there wasn't another soul on the beach, there were not one but TWO pods of dolphins swimming up and down the bay/beach though. It was soooo amazing. Just me and the morning sun, watching dolphins. Damn spesh :)

Saturday night had the wedding of a good friend of mine. The less said about it the better. Have NO idea what the hell got into me ... but I went a bit mad. Drank waaaay too much ... which probably means six glasses of wine, which is four more than I needed. Argh. Nevermind ... these things happen right. And someone has to be the drunk girl! Thankfully do not remember good parts of it. Had super-big fight with D though ... but have NO idea what the hell about. Pissed idiot. Anyhoo, must try to move on from that.

Onto more positive news. Went to my nutritionist this morning ... had only lost 1kg on the scales (hate bloody scales) BUT have lost 5cm off my waist!!! Frankly, I've never put too much stock in the scales ... surely it's better to lose cm, indicating that I'm toning up, than just kgs? I mean, I'm aiming to lose about 8kg more and surely it's better if it comes of super slowly ... will make it easier to keep it off and maintain good habits.

Food has really been quite good. All very, very healthy and low GI stuff with lots of fresh fruit, vegetables and lean meat/chicken/fish. Must stick to this sort of thing moving forward ... no excuses! It's just organisation. Mum goes shopping every two days to pick up extra bits, fresh veg and meat. Really, with huge supermarket/shopping centre just a five minute walk away I really have no excuse. Am going to work on some food plans later today once washing and cleaning is a bit more under control ... today lunch is salad with corned beef slices. Dinner will be turkey sausages with sweet potato mash and salad. Will pop over to the supermarket later to get some muesli and extra fruit and stuff. Oh, and maybe spend some of my birthday gift vouchers.

Only slightly not so good thing about my check with the nutritionist is that she is worried about my IBS issues and thinks it may be something other than IBS causing some of my symptoms. So about to head off to the doctor to get a referral to a gastroenterologist to get things checked. Will doubtless mean having a procedure or two - eeeeeek - but probably better to at least get it checked to get some peace of mind. And at least find out if there IS a problem.

Oh, the joys.

Holy crap btw, it's the 1st of December ... 24 days to Christmas. Better do some shopping.

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Holiday Madness ... and not-so madness

Hurrah! I'm four days into my first holiday in far, far, FAR too long. I am never letting it go for two years and 10 months EVER again. Nevah.

Weekend in the Hunter with the girls was faaaaabulous. But oh, my aching liver. A arrived via her lovely boyfriend's car at about 10.30am and we hung around until we heard the third member of my carpool was at the nearby train station. I had decided - somewhat on the spur of the moment - to get her an escort for the weekend. Kev! The budget Bunnings gnome. Ha ha ha. It was sooo silly, but helped to make the weekend even more fun. So I introduced A to her escort, we faffed around for a wee while until I got the call from G to say she'd arrived and was hiding in the shade. In a bizarre typical Sydney weather twist, it was friggin' 34C and so damn humid, after many days of only just above 20C temps. Bah!

Poor little ZJ was NOT impressed by the three fully grown adults AND their luggage (damn, we all had a suitcase for two nights away, ha ha), when he's used to just me and my handbag/gymbag. Boy, was he a sluggish little Corolla, especially up some of the big hills. But we made it in good time and checked into our GORGEOUS accommodation, with me snaffling the second best room - own air con, whoo hoo! I gave up another room - with a balcony - to a smoker friend, turned out to be a stroke of genius ... well, unintentioned genius as hers had no air con. None of which we discovered until we went off to bed in the sweltering pre-thunderstorm heat!

Anyhoo, we made a quick trip into town to pick up BBQ supplies ... and booze, naturally, and by 6pm we were sitting outside, glass of wine in hand, cheese, bread, oil and dukah on the table feeling well and truly at home. Slight hiccup when we discovered there was no water coming out of the taps. Uhhh, hello - shower required much? So we called up Jeff, our friendly landlord for the weekend, who turned up and realised the water tank (they're all on rainwater up there) was, in fact, empty! Slight panic until he reassured us he had dam supply - for emergencies only. Heh, was only then we realised how friendly he was. We were all standing around chatting, he's lit up two smokes in 10 minutes and I'm thinking "damn, I really want to drink some more wine", when he was asking us how we were enjoying the local produce - noticing we were drinking some from a vineyard just down the road. Heh, took us THAT to realise he actually was hanging out for an invite. So, I asked him if he wanted to join us for a while and yes, he did, in fact he'd brought along his own supply - two bottles in the truck. Ha ha.

So us quite newly thirty girls sat down with ol' Jeff and had a great chat about EVERYTHING. Good lord, it was brilliant fun. Finally at about 7.30pm - four hours after she'd left Sydney - the final member of our party arrived to find us all very well into it and damn near pissed. Alright, I was already pissed. Total lightweight.

Anyhoo, once Jeff's wine ran out and he realised it was 8.30pm and he'd been sitting there for two hours - with his poor wife back home - he decided to high-tail it home and we decided to fire up the bbq. Mmm, all very tasty. Or I imagine it was, having now well and truly hit the pissed point of the night. So pissed that I thought "oh yes, it's a GREAT time for me to pick up a cigarette". Ahh dear.

Slight low point was when the two blokes staying nextdoor came over to join us. Eeek. Golf semi-pro and his caddy. Both with GLINTING wedding rings. Heh, they were both pretty lame and I'm pretty sure that within 15 minutes of talking to us drunken, over-tired floozies that they realised they really probably should've stayed in the safety of their bungalow. No funny business, just baaaad conversation as can only be had when three out of six of the party are drrrrruuuunk and happy, one is sober and tired/grumpy and two are boring-ass golfers. Heh, oh well.

Have no idea when they buggered off, but at some point they did and at some point I went off to bed.

Woke up at blimmin' 5am! Gaaaah. Damn internal body clock. Oh, and noisy birds.

Went on a faaaabulous wine-tasting tour, that started at 10am (ouch). Kev - the escort gnome - was a hit, moreso because one of the old blokes who was on the bus LOOKED JUST LIKE HIM. White beard and gnomey face and all. He had designs on Kev, wanted to take him home and made sure he got photographed with him everywhere. Ha ha. Hilarious. I actually felt pretty damn cruddy for most of the tour, just can't face a big bold Shiraz at 10.15am after a night of hard drinking. Blech. Bought some more speciality wines, some chilli-infused olive oil (lush), some chilli olives (delish) and some stunning mild blue-vein cheese. I usually hate the stuff, and declare it smells like feet that have been peed on by a diseased goat ... but this was damn good.

The tour finished at about 5.30pm and LORD I was knackered. We hung around for a while, had showers, located clothing and then got picked up by a taxi to head into this AWESOME brewery in town for our dinner. Food was a touch average, but the local beer more than made up for it. Could've stayed for a LOT longer but one of our party had turned green at the table, practically sprinted for the loo and not returned for 15 mins. I never like to ask if someone's okay in these situations, because for all I knew she could've suddenly come down with a case of the squirts, or I could've just over-reacted to her reaction and she was fine and just touching up her make-up or a range of other things. Once she was back at the table I could see she was in a world of hurt - on the waters! So I got her a lemon, lime and bitters as I find this often helps - something to do with the sugar content. Anyhoo, she didn't say anything but soldiered on because she is real trooper. I would've gone home, and always do, if I'd felt like her.

Sunday we had a super bacon/eggs/mushrooms breakfast before our superfun horseriding trip. And I am not being sarcy when I say superfun, it was SO AWESOME. Aside from the fact we were pretty much all put on dodgy horses who were really not very well looked after, nor was their gear, yards or anything. But anyway, I was warned that my horse was a real bit "think of PMS with a gun" one of the staff told me. Uhhh, fantastic. Really didn't turn out to be that bad though, she was just a mean biatch of a horse. And had the WORST canter it has been my misfortune to experience. My lord, it was terrible. Kept being catapulted forward out of the saddle despite my best thigh-squeezing and butt pushing into saddle efforts. I tried my best ... didn't fall off either. At the end of it a staff member asked me how I'd found her canter, and I was like "oh, I am sooo out of practice" etc etc, explaining how I couldn't keep my seat. Hah, she laughed and explained that it wasn't my fault - the horse had the worst canter she'd ever encountered and no-one could sit down. Grrrr. Would've been helpful to know beforehand ... even during! Gah!

Anyway, three days later and my inner-thighs are still singing out in pain every now and then.

Onto the next part of my holiday anyway ... the non-party part, the detox part. Well, I'm four days in now to the official holiday, the weekend away was just ... well, a weekend! Drove down on Monday and had nice salad for lunch, then a wee rest before taking the mother out for a walk. Tuesday I got up super early and dropped my car at the mechanic, about 8-9km away, and ran back. It was so good, gorgeous run, but my thighs - ooooh, my thighs.

Wednesday, yesterday, did a super-sweaty 6km run in the 85% humidity morning ... was damn hard going, it's so flat around here, I miss the hills (sick, I know) and then took ye ol' mother out for a good hour long walk in the evening. Thighs still haven't really improved, so today I took the day off from serious running work and went shopping instead. Bought the most gorgeous tie belt you've ever seen, bought some lovely handmade soap ... and fudge and marmalade for the father figure.

Tomorrow, if the bloody sun comes out, I am SO going for a swim. But at the very least will do a nice 10km run in the morning and will hit the weights - just at home - for a good 30 mins too. Plus the fitball. My poor stomach is weakening!

Food has been very, very good though. No bad stuff at all. Seriously, none. And I'm really enjoying it all too. Tonight am making low-carb, low-fat healthy pizza for the parental units ... a rare treat for us all really, but especially for them because they never eat the stuff.

Really looking forward to a picnic on Sunday at a nearby village that was set up in the 1940s as a real tourist resort, but never took off because of the ever-damn-changing weather. Qld has "beautiful one day, perfect the next", the south coast could have "beautiful one minute, sh*thouse the next, windy the next, raining the next, sunny the next" because it literally changes every hour. Not 20 minutes ago I was thinking I should really head out for a swim, not there's grey clouds pushing in and the temp has dropped by a good 5 degrees. Charming.

But still, I'M ON HOLIDAYS. Whoo hoo.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Serious Countdown

Whoooo hoooooo! Counting down on my last day of work before TWO WEEKS holiday. Yippeeeee. I never thought I'd get here. Seriously. Last week I thought I would go mad, quit work, leave Sydney and go live in a hippie commune. Thankfully sanity prevailed ... and I just took it one day at a time, and now here I am.

Last night I joined some of my wonderful Can Too people to watch two flicks at the Orpheum in Cremorne. One was about the Marathon de Sables (Marathon of the Sands) across the Sahara Desert, and the other called The Spirit of the Marathon, following six people (from beginner/social runner to Olympic level) on their journey to the Chicago Marathon. Seriously inspiring stuff. If you've ever wondered why people run 42.2km (in one go), watching this film or similar will explain why. It's different for every individual.

As for the Marathon de Sables. OMFG! Beautiful territory, beyond gruelling and exhausting race. I can only hope that one day I have the guts and determination to do something half as challenging. Don't think it will be running across the Sahara in 48C temps though!

Can I just say men are the most ridiculous creatures on the face of the earth. After months of careful relationship regeneration with Darren he's now gone completely ridiculous again. Suddenly can't decide if we want the same things, but when asked expressly what's he's talking about he cannot say ... just says he wants to be "happy" and right now he's not "happy" all the time. Seriously, the man needs to take some bloody responsibility for his OWN happiness! Right now he's all down on himself because he's carrying a little weight around his stomach. Now, the guy is a fit bugger and has toned legs, arms, butt and chest and a teeeeeeny paunch as you'd expect from a 38-year-old. Who I am, however, to criticise someone's body-image/acceptance though. So, I told him I wouldn't even notice it if he didn't keep lifting his shirt and pointing it out to me ... AND if it bothers him so much to stop eating chilli Kettle chips every day along with the three or four beers? Heh, didn't say last bit however as would give him free rein to point out that if I stopped eating chocolate, bread, pasta etc (none of which I eat in large amounts) I would lose that extra flubber.

Anyway, almost every time I talk to him about this he changes his mind about what he wants, whether or not he's happy etc. Blaaah. So holiday is well timed. Do not have to see him for two weeks and am going to cut off all contact, at the end of that two weeks we should both have an idea of "what we want". Hmm, more on this later.

In other news, just ate half of a ridiculously delicious blueberry muffin. Dang!

Monday, 10 November 2008

Wagon Woes

In the weight-loss/trying to get fitter realm there is possibly no feeling worse than falling off the wagon. You feel like all your hard work - meal planning, label-reading, calorie burning etc - has been for nothing if you're just going to give in to temptation and stuff yourself silly at the first opportunity.

Well, that's where I am right now! An "ex-wagon member". In all fairness, to myself and the forces which conspired against me, it was entirely a wagon fall ... in two nights (Fri & Sat) I had a wedding and dinner at a FABULOUS restaurant with friends. For the wedding I had given myself a bit of a "free pass" - and if I'm honest it wasn't SO bad. I probably ate one too many of the finger food thingies ... I had five, although two were small cubes of cheese with an olive, one 4cm diameter mini-pizza, a meatball and slice of chicken sausage roll. Heh, high society wedding of course. I ate less than a quarter of my entree - piece of lasagna (horrible) - and one slice of my soggy cardboard masquerading as lamb, and the ONE piece of cauliflower and broccoli, and some of the overcooked carrots. I had about half of my dessert - some sort of baked cheesecake.

I DID have about five drinks though - oops! One glass of champagne - some revoltingly sweet stuff - a light beer, a glass of red wine and two full strength beers. That was from 6pm to midnight though, so was pretty-well close to sober, plus there was a good dose of dancing!

Dinner with friends was pretty good too, honestly. Had two slices of very delicious authentic Italian pizza (as previously raved about) and shared a small rocket & parmesan salad. Had two glasses of red (it was an ITALIAN restaurant, it's just culturally insensitive not to) and another one of those AMAZING hot chocolates. Mmmm.

The food was not good, but it could've been much worse. Plus, on Friday did 40 mins of continuous swimming, Saturday did 40 minute walk with dog (Bella) and Darren (not a dog), and on Sunday I mowed Darren's lawn and washed my car, as well as lugging an 8km gas bottle (for the BBQ) all around Bunnings, the carpark, Darren's place and then up six flights of stairs. Heh, not REALLY exercise, but better than nothing.

Anyway, today I have seriously been positively saintly. Muesli/yoghurt for breakfast, salad with feta for lunch, some natural yoghurt for arvo tea, a green tea and then did Bikram (90 minutes of sweatin'). Dinner was sorta homemade fried rice ... without the fried bit. Basically stir fried zucchini, carrot and broccoli in a pan with just a light spray of olive oil, then 100g of tofu, then about 1 tab of sweet chilli sauce and 1/2 cup of Doongara (low GI) rice. Whoo hoo!

Now am having a cup of Dandelion tea. Heh, LOTS of people turn their nose up at the Dandelion tea ... but it's really good for liver function. A few years ago (two I think) I contracted Ross River Fever while on holiday in Darwin - pesky mosquitos! The side-effects/symptoms vary, but for me it meant extreme fatigue, night sweats/fevers, headaches and YAY slightly reduced liver function. Thankfully the liver is an organ you can "fix" through healthy eating and lifestyle. I've never had it tested again, but I reckon it's doing pretty good. I look after it. Heh, major segue there.

Here's another one. Darwin is AWESOME. Aside from the mosquitos (and it probably could've been a mosquito in Sydney or anywhere else I'd been that year). ESPECIALLY if you're single. There's a chronic shortage of non-slapper women up there. There's every variety of single man you can imagine - business owner, journalist/editor, tour guide (aHem), PLUS there are all three arms of the defence force up there ... and at any given time there are soldiers/sailors/airmen visiting from other countries. Hot English Navy boys - ahoy there! Ha ha. Obviously you've gotta take care of yourself, but you can have some fabulous fun. Not just with the male attention, but there are some fantastic things to see and do.

Hmm, travel plug over. For now.

In major MAJOR countdown mode for the weekend/start of my holiday/A's 30th. Four more sleeps. Speaking of sleep. Must get some asap.

Friday, 7 November 2008

New Food

This morning I saw my lovely nutritionist to get my "food plan". Thankfully she said my food was "mostly good", but I have confused not only my mind but also my body after reading 1001 things about fats, carbs, proteins and whatever else. Everything she said made sense, I'd just never put it all together in my head ... something about seeing the woods for the trees or whatever.

I think where I was going wrong was not maintaining a balance through the day, especially in terms of carbs. When it comes to carbs my thinking has always been a slight bastardisation of the old "eat like a king at breakfast, queen at lunch and pauper at dinner", breakfasts were generally carb heavy, lunch less so and generally NONE past 3pm. Heh, wrong! For me anyway, but basically what this does is cause a spike in insulin levels as the body tries to break the carbs down, which then staggers up and down each time I eat something after that. THEN because I wasn't eating any in the arvo, I essentially put my body into "freak out starvation mode" where it just slowed right down in case it didn't get any more carbs. Or something.

Plus, I found out that sushi rice is the worst rice there is for maintaining weight loss ... and I definitely eat sushi at least once or twice a week. No more of that thanks!

Anyhoo, the plan is to maintain a carb balance, and boost the protein intake. So, breakfast will still be muesli/porridge - but 1/2 a cup, with 2 tabs yoghurt and 1/2 cup skim milk - no added fruit. Alternatively, two slices of Burgen bread (toasted) with avocado and tomato or other non-fatty spread.

Lunch should be either multi-grain roll or Burgen bread, with salad and protein (tuna/salmon, avocado, chicken), OR a salad with a small can of four-bean mix or chickpeas, OR left-overs from dinner - provided it's healthy, OR my veg and chickpea soup.

Dinner is to be much the same really. When eating red meat, should be about 100g - size and width of palm, fish should be size of hand, slightly smaller for chicken, should eat about the same of carby stuff - a small/med potato, pasta, the GOOD rice (Basmati) or noodles, and then as many veggies as I can take!

So, it all starts today. Well, for most of today. Going to a wedding tonight where I SWEAR I will try to eat all the good options and no dessert ... but we shall see. To aid me in this endeavour I'm going to have a slightly later lunch at 2pm - big salad sandwich ... and I mean big in terms of salad content, not bread, and am going to take an apple and some carrot bits with me to much on. Well, that's the plan. Obviously won't drink too much as going running tomorrow at 7.30am - don't want no hangovers. Having said THAT, three is my limit ... I need something to take the edge off and try not to think about my arms flapping around. Eeek, must do more pump.

In other non-food related news, had a major freak-out last night. First - some background. On January 7th this year, I woke up at about 11pm to some very loud banging on the door of my flat. I was soooo out of it, because I go to bed at 9.30pm as I get up at 4.30am/5am, and wondering firstly how the hell someone got into the building without me buzzing them in, and secondly who the hell it was. It turned out to be my lovely nextdoor neighbour, Anne, who told me my car was on fire. And oh yes, it was! There were three firetrucks in the street (whose arrival had not woken me up), and as I wandered out - bleary eyed - into the street there was a guy trying desperately to hack into the bonnet of my car with a sledgehammer thing because they were worried the engine was going to blow up.

It was horrible and traumatic, and took me about a month to get a new car sorted after jumping through a range of insurance claim related hoops and whatnot.

SO, you can imagine my panic when at about 9.30pm last night - just as I was hopping into bed with my book and cup of tea - I smelt smoke wafting in the window, and realised I could hear all sorts of voices and the sound of a big vehicle of some sort. OMFG. I quickly pulled on some clothes and went outside - in my Ugg boots, bogan that I am - and YES, it had happened again. But not to me, thank GOD and all the angels as I just couldn't have handled it right now. It was, however, only two cars away from mine! Gah. I joined the small crowd of people gathered around. Similar story to my car - someone had poured some type of accelerant on the back tyre and lit it. This time, however, they had done a trail of the accelerant to a couch and some other council pick-up waste not far away - which had caught alight and THEN set fire to the tree it was lined up against, which had spread to the branches of some other trees.

PHEW! Was soooo smoky and horrible, and I just wanted to run back to my flat and grab my stuff and flee. Obviously, it wasn't going to happen, but that's how I felt. Wandered back to my flat feeling very sorry for whoever's car it was - although it didn't actually look like a write-off (mine was DEAD dead dead), so maybe it was only superficial damage. Then spent a good hour wondering if I should move, if I could afford to move (heh, not REALLY and just can't face moving right now), and if I wanted to move. Hmmm. Think the general consensus was "no" to all of the above, especially on the $$$ front, am just in too good a place to move right now.

Mucho drama in North Ryde. Ha ha ha.

Alrighty, I'm off now. Got to pop into work for a while before heading off for a swim and then coming home to start wedding preparations. Whoo hoo.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

The Thighs Have It

I was at Bikram yesterday, sweating like the proverbial in the 40C room, hoping I wouldn't feel like fainting/dying as in previous classes, scrutinising my body. Not in a negative "oh you fat cow" sort of way, but in a "yes, this is good, this is bad and THAT is those biscuits/chocolate/chips" etc etc.

The weekend saw a slight deviation from my usually very healthy/whole foods eating. Saturday night's comedy thingo went MUCH longer than expected, and the support acts were just so awful that I found myself in an impromptu acting class - pretending to laugh! I just couldn't sit there silently while these entirely UNfunny blokes committed comedy suicide on stage just three metres away from me. So, all that forced laughing, smiling etc gave me the worst headache and made me so, so, so tired. Queue the chips and Red Bull at the 'half-time' break, or intermission for non sports-obsessed folk. Damn you chips! I didn't read the label, I KNOW what they're worth on the calorie/fat scale. The only thing I can say is I didn't eat all of them, and only drank half of the chemical-laden Red Bull.

Sunday I slept in ... well, until 7am, after getting home after 1am stone cold sober AND knackered. Had a day off! Eeep. And ate a few huge handfuls of choc covered sultanas and peanuts. Very bad ... not least because of the IBS side-effects.

Ahem! Anyhoo, back on topic. I was staring at myself in the mirror at Bikram while doing a range of postures. Stomach/torso is good ... ish, or getting there. Arms are definitely getting there - yay push-ups, dips, curls etc. Calves are muscular blocks thanks to running and the rest. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, the thighs have it. The fat that is! Sides are still nicely toned, but all the crap I've been eating seems to have accumulated on the front of my quads. Fabulous, just fabulous. It's no visual illusion either, put on the 'original' skinny jeans today and while they're fine around butt/hips, stomach, on the thighs I looked like I was wearing leggings - which I NEVER do.

So, anyhoo, back to the super-health. To that end, as I type I am making up a batch of "super-veg" soup. Weather has been so crudite of late that it's impossible to predict how often I can eat it (no soup in 25+ temps), but will be handy to have in little containers in the fridge for emergencies.

Must keep focussed though. Have wedding on Friday, but thankfully am wearing dress that's completely flattering and just skims the thighs. So I'm saved. I am, however, attending a wedding in a month's time where I plan to wear a dress that's completely unforgiving. Right now is passable, but over the boobs it pulls a bit. Will be fine if I can just get a few kgs off and kick the bloat. So - stay on track girl! Not on the pull or nuttin', just want to feel confident and happy and not be folding arms over gut all night.

As a quick extra note, I jumped on iTunes on Saturday while killing time before going to the gym/comedy and went hunting for a song from a very old Body Combat track - circa 2003!!! Crap, was it THAT long ago? After some extensive Googling and whatnot, I found the name, did the iTunes search and yep, yep - it was there. Whoo hoo. Downloaded both versions and added to my running playlist. Has nice fast beat, and even after all these (five) years it remains one of my favourite Body Combat memories.

Haven't been running since - oops! But plan on Pumping tomorrow, then going to an incredibly daggy concert that will be super-fun. Def Leppard and Cheap Trick, with the Galvatrons in support! Whoo hoo, bring on the hair bands. So excited.

Saturday, 1 November 2008

Cranky Pump Lady

Once again - not me! The instructor in yesterday arvo's class was in the FOULEST mood I have ever come across at the gym. Most instructors are so vivacious and bubbly, all those good hormones and endorphines. Well, this one was in a grump. Not helped by the fact her CD started jumping in the warm up track, or the fact the speakers in the room were having a psychotic episode ... one of them anyone, constantly losing audio, lots of strange noise and stuff. Then some guy complained about the music/audio. Nice one pal. Instructor was sent into the deep end "it's out of my hands, I can't control it" etc. Not sure why, but she didn't just turn it DOWN so that the noise from the speaker wasn't quite so deafening, and the music - when it decided to actually work - wasn't so loud.

Anyway, it's funny but it ALMOST totally disrupted by good exercise vibe. She - the instructor - totally lost her edge, was out of time with the music and several times forgot what she was doing. Usually understandable, but Pump is a set routine and we've been on this routine for close to three months. Which was actually lucky because the class just kept going about their business while she cursed at losing her place and whatever else. Oh well.

This morning skipped the Striders 10km race. They have a 60 minute cut-off time. I can usually come in well under this ... well, last two 10km races was 54.16 and 58 or so. But decided could not face the crowd, the racing and the whole shebang. Instead went for a good 9km/10km run by myself. Started off very slowly as back was "weird" after bad sleep. At halfway/30min mark I turned my Ipod on and put on some fast paced tracks for the home route. Was just the ticket! Was really powering up and down hills, and feeling strong! Hurrah. About time. Even had enough energy to add on some extra stairs and stuff. Yee haa.

So inspired am planning to go to Pump this arvo - at a different gym with different instructor. Going to comedy gig tonight, but not meeting until 7.15pm, and class finishes at 5.30pm. Heh, the instructor for this arvo's class is actually the perfect example of why "all body" training is important. He's what my friends and I would call a "wedge", big shoulders and chest, narrow/toned waist and skinny legs! Totally out of proportion, I'm always worried he's going to topple over and off the stage. Heh, would be a bit funny if he ever did, provided he didn't hurt himself.

That's about it from the Mad Running Woman. Beyond the fact I've only got EIGHT more shifts until my HOLIDAY. Whoo hooo. Oh, and obviously desperately need a damn sleep ... but no chance of that as tomorrow morning getting up super early to head over to Bondi to do the 4km round-trip to Tamarama to have a look at the Sculptures by the Sea. If I'm there by 6am should avoid crowds and be home by 8am at the latest.

Should really attempt sleep soon though - huge week next week! And the week after. And after, and after and after. Eeek.

Friday, 31 October 2008

Damn it's hot in here...

Phew, did Bikram last night in preparation for the Can Too dinner at one of the girl's husband's VERY nice Italian restaurant in Balmain. The food was completely amazing and delicious, but more on that later.

I love Bikram. I love the heat, the sweat and the super stretching, flexing and strengthening benefits. Oh yeah! Yesterday arvo, however, I struggled. Not with the postures, with the heat and humidity. I felt like my body was on fire and several times had to stand still to avoid fainting, and even sat down a few times - unheard of! I wasn't alone, and I definitely wasn't the worst off - several people had to go outside for fresh air. Anyway, I got through the 90 minutes but was annoyed that I hadn't been able to do all the postures as I was trying not to faint, vomit or both. The instructors are always saying that you should leave "your practice" in the room and every class is it's own challenge, you should not compare previous classes because every day is different etc. So, I am trying to do that ... but it's very hard not to wish I'd held bow pose for 10 seconds longer, or done the full lot of triangle poses etc.

Can Too dinner was a food orgy. Amazing pizzas, the best I've ever had - even in comparison to the ones I had IN Italy. The crust was light and chewy, not too much cheese - ohh heavenly. I had three small pieces. For main I had the blue eye cod, which had a tomato-chilli broth plus some mussels. Mmm, delish. I was so utterly stuffed that I had to skip dessert, but got a hot chocolate for good measure. I would go to this restaurant JUST for the hot chocolate, it was soooo amazing, like a cup of melted chocolate but not as rich. Thick and delish! Only problem was I didn't get home until midnight, making the damn 5am alarm so very unwelcome. But oh well.

Had faaaabulous conversations with some of the girls about weight loss, weight training and the like and going to try to organise a session once a week with one of them who is my training idol. Feel completely inspired about training at the moment, despite being damn tired. This arvo going to do 40 mins of cardio or so plus 45min Pump, and tomorrow morning doing 10km race and will also get to the gym or Bikram.

Weirdness on the D front ... it's still a watch this space situation.

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Running in the rain

I don't know why I do it to myself. Running in the rain. I hate it! Shoes get heavy - running coach says they can weigh over 500g each when soaked - clothes get heavy and cling, and rain comes in at face and is sooo annoying. But this morning I did it any. Clever! Rain was very light when I woke up and I thought "harden up, do it anyway", so I did. It was annoying drizzle, didn't really make anything saturated, but made me very uncomfortable and the 30 minute run very unpleasant. Grrr. I hate running on a treadmill, but on days like this must remember to just stay inside. Although, did feel very heroic when I finished the run ... just sodden and cranky, with a nice new rub under one arm. Charming.

Have just had my first appointment with my nutritionist. She is awesome. And - hurrah - she told me that my diet is basically fantastic, but she can see some areas of improvement. Well, good - that's what I'm paying her for! Have another appointment next week where she will give me my actual diet plan. Today was just background stuff, and I had to get on the scales! Eeek. First time on accurate scales for a while. Figures were actually pretty good - have kept things at the same level at least, and now aiming to lose 8kg or so, but would LOVE to get to 55kg. Just don't think it will happen though - I put on muscle far too easily. Which is good! Just means I will never be a greyhound.

My uncle came over yesterday to give me my birthday present, and it's fantastic. 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. They're soooo nice. Want to put them on the bed NOW, but prefer to wash them first and hell-o, it's raining. We had a great chat about everything, I mean everything. We even talked about him getting called up to go to Vietnam and being exempt because he had a spinal operation, and his friends who returned changed men - half of whom died of heroin overdoses! Argh. But anyway, it was fabulous. I am making a serious commitment to see him and my aunt much more. They only live up the road for god's sake.

Anyhoo, day off today. Think it will just be a quiet one as I'm sooo tired. Cleaning is done ... well, it is done enough for now. I'm sure I could go super gungho and do it all over again, but it's really above the usual standards.

Have been going through a whole heap of other people's blogs, to kill some time at work at whatever else. Envious of the way some people can narrate their lives! For me it's just a brain dump, if I write it all down I can stop thinking about it!

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Confused by food

Gaaaah. I remembered today why I always try to bring my lunch ... firstly, there is just an crap selection of food places around here (work); secondly, then I know exactly what I'm eating. In terms of carbs, fats, protein etc. Went out for lunch today and bought a salad ... actually, a mix of three. And as I was walking back to the office, I was more closely investigating the bean mix, spotting corn in there ... and the lentil salad bit had onion in there! And the pumpkin salad had chickpeas. It was all rushing through my mind ... how much protein, carbs, etc am I eating, and is the onion going to set off an "episode" of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).

Going to the nutritionist tomorrow to get everything clear in my head. Just so confused by food. Used to happily* eat 1/2 cup of porridge made with water every morning, but then another friend told me that this was bad as way too many carbs. But then, is less than 200 calories for all that and has lots of fibre, plus other good things. Also, it's low GI so it fills me up until 11am or so.

Then was eating a banana and realised it was bad, as is high GI. Then ate tiny handful of trail mix, and was thinking 'eeek, dried fruit = high in sugar'.

There are lots more incidents (is Equal cancer causing?), but they can all be summed up by "gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah". Ha ha.

Have first of six appointments tomorrow morning, and I am committed to eating whatever I am told, whenever I am told. It's her JOB to know all this stuff, so am just going to pay her to teach me! Far easier than reading 10,000 conflicting views on the subject.

Team Sports

Last night I played "touch AFL" with my new team the Rushed Behinds. A few players from last season's team joined them because we didn't have enough. Anyway, it was so utterly shite. The guys never pass to the girls, even when we're in a better field position than the guys. When they DO kick it to us, it's generally out of desperation so it's a horrible pass and we inevitable miss or fumble it to their disgust.

I was in defence, marking this girl who barely moved. I was so, so bored ... I was basically standing still for 40 minutes with some occasional bursts of running. But I didn't even raise a sweat, despite it being over 30 degrees. It's at least a half-an-hour drive to the grounds from my place, plus 40 minutes of "play" and I really didn't like it. Would rather be running/at the gym on my Monday nights than standing around getting hayfever and itchy legs from the grass. So, am going to talk to one of my original teammates today but I don't think I'll play anymore. Monday nights are gold at the gym, and I hate missing out on Pump.

Hurrah for the warm weather though, meant that by the time I got home at 8pm I still wasn't hungry, and happily munched on some celery to get me through. No tea, no biscuits, no snacking! Champion.

Trying not to think about my holiday ... two and a bit weeks to go. Well, nearly three weeks really ... but considering I haven't had a holiday for far too long to mention (over two years) I am long overdue. Just want to have a nice break from life and get some perspective.

Oh, and sleep in past 5am.

Sunday, 26 October 2008


No, not me. I'm fine. This morning's breakfast was held by my good friend to raise money for Beyond Blue. It's been three years since she was diagnosed with bipolar. The sadness was what I could see in her face. I just wanted to grab her and hug her and tell it was all okay. But is everything okay? Can I know what's going on in her life and her head, beyond what she tells me?

Anyway, I was chatting to my dear friend C who agreed she could see the sadness in her face and actions and we were wondering what we could do to cheer her up. Ultimately, though, we decided that there was nothing you could do to help someone, really, beyond being there for them and trying to keep their spirits going and keep them in the loop. You know, keeping occupied with activities I think distracts you from sadness.

Not sure where I was ever going with this post, beyond making a commitment to helping my friend in whatever way I can to keep her out of the shadow of the "black dog".

Saturday, 25 October 2008


Oh lordy. I am sore. Yesterday morning did 14km - City2Surf distance - with some of the Can Too folk. It was so, so gruelling. I must get my fitness back ... I mean, I ran it ... but it hurt so badly! Worse than the pain in the legs, hips and back though is the negative talk running through my head, cursing myself for letting that fitness edge slip. Why did I do it? Why did I eat this and that, etc etc. Damn it!

I think by the end of the run though I'd talked myself back around to positive territory. I mean, I could've been sitting at home cursing myself for letting the fitness slip, as opposed to running and cursing myself. The latter is definitely the better option. So have recommitted and refocussed, which is definitely what I needed ... just needed a kickstart.

Anyway, onwards and upwards and all that. Have just made some low-fat zucchini and carrot muffins for a friend's big breakfast ... can't wait for breakfast, am starving. Leaving myself just enough time to jump in the shower, get changed and pick up my dear friend C.

Looking forward to a nice early night tonight, last night had a friend's hens night and didn't get home until after 1am, but naturally woke up at 5am. Gah! Why can I not sleep? Managed to get some cat-naps in until 7am when decided I may as well get up and get moving. Did some washing and what-not. Always astounded at how deathly quiet this building is in the mornings. No action until well after 10am. I totally appreciate people taking the opportunity to sleep in, but they're letting half the day go!

Today will keep exercise very low key. Might attempt something a bit later, but the house needs a damn good clean first.

Tomorrow will do Pump + 1 hour cardio equipment. Tuesday will either join the Mac Runners or do Bikram, depending on timings, Wednesday will go for a run in the morning, then have my first session with my nutritionist and in the evening will do my beloved Pump or swim, Thursday must be some more Bikram and Friday Pump. Saturday am doing the Sydney Striders 10km race through Lane Cove National Park, but might do Pump or something that arvo. Will see how things go.

Anyhoo, best be off.

Friday, 24 October 2008


Calories that is!
I'm not a counter ... not really, vague estimates are fine. In terms of food and exercise, I just don't have the discipline or inclination to calculate the differences too finely. So long as I eat healthy and avoid the treats, I'm happy to do it this way.

At the moment I'm being a bit more regimented ... well, I say at the moment, but I mean the last three days, and using Calorie King to work out how I'm doing. Pretty good so far. Although I still seem to always go over on the carbs. Must get that under control.

Anyhoo, the point - if I ever get to it - of this post was some encouraging figures I've uncovered about how many calories various exercises burn. Eg: Bikram Yoga (90mins) = 1050! Phew, I knew it was a lot ... judging by the pools of sweat, but THAT is amazing. Running for 60 mins @ 5.50m/km (usual pace) = 677. Pump class (60 mins) = 600 - 800 depending on intensity. Noooice figures.

More motivation! Time to get my butt movin'.

Friday and trying to get positive

What an absolute joy Fridays are! Although often they hold little meaning for me as I do shiftwork and sometimes work Saturdays and Sundays, then have days off during the week. THIS week, however, I have Sat and Sunday off. whoo hoo.

Last night was nothing short of an ordeal. I drove over to Carlton to pick up a Cheval mirror I purchased on eBay. It has been over a year since I had a full-length mirror in my house and I simply couldn't take it anymore. Not being able to see what my full outfit looked like. Plus, I like to "monitor" changes to my body ... I think it's the biggest motivator to notice definition on the stomach/thighs/arms etc when you're going to the gym. For me, when I can't see these things I tend to lose focus and direction a bit. Well, no more!

The reason it was an ordeal was because the eeeejit who I was buying the mirror from was not answering his phone! It was horrible. I was freaking out, wondering WTF I was going to do ... so went to the Westfields nearby to wander around and curse a bit, when finally he answered his phone. Thank the lord. Oh, not to mention the ridiculous traffic encountered along the way and usual moronic driving in the wet weather. Argh!

Trying to get focus back on food/diet with summer fast approaching and wanting to get super-fit and stuff. Have been struggling badly to get back into the habit. But it's so hard right now, I am just an empty vessel. Exhausted, I have nothing left in the tank. Wake up every day feeling tired despite going to bed by 10pm, struggle through the day and manage to drag myself to the gym or something afterwards but never with any real vigor. No more! Am going to attempt to have a restful weekend, despite the busyness of it, and get myself back on track.

To that end, here's my food plan for today:

Pre-breakfast snack (have this because I wake up at 5am and cannot face eating anything 'real' before about 8am): orange, coffee with skim milk.
Breakfast: 1/2 cup natural muesli, 4 strawberries (chopped up), 1/2 cup skim milk.
Lunch: Sushi
Dinner: Undecided.
No dessert.

Plus am doing Bikram Yoga at 4pm, which is just exhausting but energising at the same time. Sweat more than you'd believe possible, which reminds me - must be sure to drink a good two litres of water today!

Tomorrow morning hoping to go for a big run with the Can Too folk. 14km or so. Haven't heard from them yet, but decided I will go for a big one regardless. 40 mins out and 35 mins back.

Hmm. Slow day at work so far so no doubt will be back with some more ramblings.

Thursday, 23 October 2008


Hmm, well it seems the title of this blog is decidedly misleading! No running for me since the super-hard 10km race on Sunday. On Monday I did intend to go to Pump in the evening, but I got caught up shopping/chatting with a friend of mine, HC.

Tuesday I was, once again, SUPPOSED to go to the gym to go to Spin ... but I just left it too late to get there in plenty of time. I hate, hate arriving late to a class - even 30 seconds. Would rather have to wait 10 minutes than be late. So instead I decided to cook a really super-healthy dinner. And that, at least, I did. Went through my Biggest Loser cookbook and made the Scotch Broth. Lots of variations on the recipe, but essentially it's root veggies, a cheap cut of beef, herbs (I used thyme), pearl barley, onion, tomato paste and stock. The key to cooking something like this is time ... and I had that! I added a few extra veggies to pad it out a bit, so instead of making four servings it stretched to six. At a cost of less than $4 a serve. Pretty good!

I invited a friend around, D, because he'd called up to see what I was doing and sounded a bit bored and lonely. He certainly seemed to enjoy it! He got to eat about 1/4 of mine too because I got a bit full. Best of all, he brought some fresh mangos and Sara-Lee ice cream around for dessert. Mmm. Obviously that completely ruined the healthy dinner idea ... but damn it was yummy. And hey, mango has lots of good vitamins ... and I very rarely eat ice cream so it was a nice treat.

Wednesday night I made it to the gym, whoo hoo, and did 40mins on the bike at pretty hard pace, then 15 minutes on the cross-trainer thing ... worst thing was I forgot my damn IPod. Honestly, what is the point of having such a device if you just forget to take it where you need it? Hmm! Then did Pump in THE MOST packed class I have ever been it. It was ridiculous ... but great fun. I am such a cow, but I totally loved the fact that I had double the weights on compared with 90% of the women there. Mind you, they were pretty much all thinner than me ... but not fitter or stronger obviously. Not sure which I'd prefer.

In fact, was discussing this with a friend at dinner last night. A friend of ours, H, is an absolute boozehound. She's 32 and can drink more than any one I know. She turns into a ridiculous human being when she does though. And she's proud of the fact she was taken away in an ambulance from a work function. Anyhoo, despite the boozing she's very slim and attractive, but obviously unhealthy as she does very little exercise. So ... here was my thought, would I rather be slim (thereby APPEARING healthy) than my current existence which is a little bit of extra padding, but very fit and healthy? Hmm, long term no doubt the latter is better ... but still, would love just a year or six months at, like, 55kgs.

Hmm, insane ramblings indeed.

Saturday, 18 October 2008

Name change and new commitments

Ha ha! I'd forgotten all about my blog.

To make a quick recap on events! I did do the City 2 Surf last year! Hurrah. And finished in about 89 mins or so, which I was happy with at the time.

Unfortunately the slide of non-activity continued post-City2Surf with me losing interest in a whole lot of things, breaking up with D and spending a good month or so heartbroken and miserable. Christmas and New Year were mixed, but whatever - I survived. Got back together with D for a while but it was just never ... going ... to ... work. So in June I decided it was time to get myself back on track and I signed up to run a half-marathon with Can Too. And ... I did it! 21.1km in 1:59:51.

Can Too are an awesome organisation who train people for various events (running and swimming) in return for the participants raising $$ for their cause, a brilliant cause at that. Can Too raise $$ for Cure Cancer, who provide grants to cancer research scientists. $75,000 is enough for one scientist for one year, to move closer to a cure for cancer.

Anyway, still single, still running ... although at this very point in time probably not as much as I should ...

It's now been two years and nine months since I had a holiday. In that time I've had three jobs, a torrid break-up, my car was set on fire and no comprehensive insurance due to a missed payment and the usual gamut of things that happen in life. I have just hit the wall physically and emotionally, I'm exhausted. I've got the last two weeks of November off and I'm calling it my detox, de-stress and super-fit holiday. Just going to dear old Jervis Bay, will run on the beach, go swimming, go to the gym, read books, sleep lots, eat super healthy and basically chill out.

I want to emerge my old positive self again, instead of this exhausted sometimes miserable lump I've become.

It's not so bad ... I'm probably just on a low right now as I'm at the end of a loooong week at work, and counting down big time to the holiday.