Saturday was quite a rotten day for me as I felt dreadful, couldn't sleep allllll day. Was supposed to go out on the town with an old friend of mine, S, but obviously there was no way that was happening. Had a bit of a oopsy though as I hadn't heard from her about the night for a good week, and then didn't hear from her on the day until 5pm or so but didn't check my phone until 6.30pm. Then, well, I did mean to reply but then some events took over which kind of distracted me.
A friend of D's and I was having b'day drinks at the nearby but obviously could not go as felt urgh and couldn't drink. However, in the spirit of charity I offered to pick D up from his place, drop him off and then pick him up again afew hours later and drop him home, and then stay. Nice idea right? WELL, this turned into me dropping him off at his sports club's presentation thingo at midday and picking him up again at 5pm - so he could have a few drinks. It was the Christmas Party day sort of thing, so I figured "oh, ALRIGHT". I was sick, but I was right to drive 20 mins etc. When I picked him up he was well on his way - five drinks or so, standing out in the sun, eating crappy food. He stunk! And I didn't feel well, so when he tried to kiss me I was like "don't, I'm sick and don't want to give it to you" and he was like "awww, I don't care". Blah. Then he got upset/cranky because I wouldn't kiss him. Trust me, it was NOT a good idea, I was sinus ache city.
Drove him back to his place and then spent about 40 minutes harassing him to hurry up, ironing him a shirt and jeans, making him have a shower, wash his hair, USE SOAP and the like and finally got out the door and there to drop him off at 7pm.
Went back to my place to watch TV, do washing and generally feel like SHITE until I picked him up at around 11pm. By which stage my sinus headache (dunno if you have these, but they hurt sooo bad your teeth ache) was making me feel ill, my eyes felt like they were burning AND I felt totally weird from the Sudafed etc. Well, D had topped up the five or so drinks he'd had at the sports preso thing with about 5 more so was totally smashed (he's a lightweight). And - I'm gonna say it - while he started out cute, he quickly turned kinda mean. We were driving home and he was kinda rattling away, but talking so loudly it make my headache even worse. So - and I WAS actually nice about this - I asked him to just be quiet for a little while because my head was hurting. He was like, oh right, so do you want ME to drive. Obviously it was a big NO to that one, but that obviously gets him telling me he's not drunk and insisting he drives. Heh, another big no way on that.
But all of this just seems to magnify my sickness and we drive home with me feeling so ill I want to just crash - gently - so I don't have to keep my eyes open, and D sulking about me not wanting to kiss him or let him drive my car.
Obviously he followed me out to the car, abusing me all the way and saying "you do this and we're DONE, I've had a gutful of you" blah blah. It really was quite horrendous. Well, I got as far as the end of the driveway and had to stop in the street because the combined effect of crying and having quite bad head cold was REALLY affecting my ability to see OR breathe due to masses of … well, let's just say it was messy! D had gone back into the house, so I thought it would all be fine and sat there quietly trying to calm down (parked by the kerb of course) … but then he comes storming out with an armful of my stuff, bangs on the window and dumps it on the ground telling me to pick it up or he'll leave it for anyone to take. Then he told me I looked like a tool for sitting out in the street (in the car) and storms back into the house.
Urgggh. So got out of the car to retrieve my stuff, feeling well and truly like a tool - a sick tool at that - wondering what the hell has happened to my nice, sweet guy, when he comes charging out of the house again with more of my stuff. Oh blah, it's not worth going into … but basically I managed to EXPLAIN to him that I hadn't driven away yet because I didn't think I should be driving since I was A) sick, B) tired, C) upset and D) exhausted after spending the day and night driving him around. Not sure how/why but he convinced me to go back inside, saying I could sleep upstairs and leave whenever I wanted - he didn't give a sh*t but he didn't want me crashing and killing myself on his conscience. Noice.
Sunday he was feeling v. sorry for himself, but I did NOT relent and took off early. He rang me several hours later to apologise again, reiterating that he would never hurt me - even if he was drunk etc. Asked him if he remembered the stuff he'd said to me the night before, like about how I needed help because I was "so f*cked up" and wouldn't let anyone it. OMFG, pot calling the kettle black or what. He said he didn't remember anything really, except that we'd been fighting and he'd chucked all my stuff on the lawn near the car. Did NOT have any sympathy as I still felt so sick from being upset/exhausted AND actually sick sick, and basically told him to 'f off himself and never talk to me again.
Gahhhh. He rang me back later, after he'd slept a bit more, to apologise and basically admitted that he only ever saw things from his side and he'd never imagined that I might freak out at him acting SO out of character and being so drunk (he was really gooooone). And mean. He said some mean stuff I have to say. He asked if I would ever be able to forgive him, and I was like "of course, but do you really think I can forget the image of you dumping all my stuff on the lawn and calling me pathetic etc?" I DO believe he was genuinely remorseful, but frankly isn't any abuser sorry after the fact?
It's just all too hard. However, my cold has just about cleared up. So much so that on Christmas Day I was able to go for a big run (10kms) which has left me with the sorest quads in Oz after I failed to stretch properly. Fool! I know so much better than that!
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