What I know...

not much, essentially! But I do know what's right, for me, and what's wrong.

Mentioned previously how I had a baaaad week for food, not completely disastrous but certainly up there on the bad carbs ranking. And whoah, is it hitting my body! Weight hasn't substantially changed, yet, but I am feeling an extra kg or so in the stomach area. Oh joy.

So, here's what I know. I absolutely need a low-er carb diet. I refuse to go with no carbs because - hello - training for a half marathon and a zero carb diet just won't cut it. That being said, on Saturday I went for a 16km run (admittedly at a slower pace than I usually would) without carbing it up the night before and without my usual morning prep. AND I had a cold/sore throat thing. So, I think I'm getting fitter.

Anyhoo, obviously the pizza/thai week was super bad, but I have definitely let more carbs into my life than I need to. I really want to trim down those extra KGs for the next half-marathon, which is four weeks away, AND even moreso for the September half-marathon.

Number one, is to cut the booze. Empty carbs and calories. Yeah, alright, I enjoy it - but I have really been going way overboard. A bottle of wine on the average big night out - that's a whoooole lotta calories. This weekend is my last hurrah, as I'm heading for a wine tasting event, but after that - I'm on the dry and narrow. Hee hee.

Number two, cut the bloody biscuits. God damn biscuit jar at work. It gets me all the time. Some days one, some two, one day I had FOUR - holy jeezus, and I don't even eat them at home.

Obviously, I can do some little treats ... problem is I keep forgetting what I've already had because it's that "mindless eating", where you're just shoving stuff in and not really thinking about it or enjoying it. It would be much better if I saved the biscuit enjoyment for when I was home, tucked up on the couch, and not sitting in front of my desk at work stressing over the next piece of work that needs to be done.

Number three, veggies in all their forms. This is what works for me. I am giving myself free reign to essentially eat as much as I want of the following at all meals (excluding breakfast): cucumber, lettuce, spinach, carrot, zucchini, brussel sprouts, capsicum, celery, beans/peas, tomato, mushrooms ... and whatever else I've forgotten. Here's what I know works for me food wise: huuuuuge stack of veggies, small chicken breast/steak/lamb chops/tofu/fish, a potato/half a sweet potato/half a cut of rice/pasta, plus a splash of sauce. I stuck to that for a loooong time for lunch and dinner (although lunch I'd often swap the potato/rice etc for a bread roll. So I'm going back to what works.

Number four, detecting hunger. Previously, I would think about whether I was actually hungry (ie: what I had eaten/done that day etc) or if I was bored/tired/stressed etc. It took a while to adapt, but eventually I could actually control my hunger. Hah, no more! These days I often don't even give myself a chance to think before I'm shoving something (not always bad) inside my mouth. So, like when I quit another bad habit, when I feel the urge to eat instead I will: drink a cup of green/herbal tea, drink a litre of water or similar. Once I have done that and waited 10 minutes, if I still feel like eating I can have something.

Number five, don't think. I used to have a way of tricking myself (I've mentioned this before) so I didn't eat things I shouldn't. I would just say loudly, in my mind, NO. I didn't have that debate with myself - because man, I am soooo good at talking up the positives of getting that piece of banana bread with honeycomb butter. I just said no. And no, meant no. The minute I felt my brain starting to go into pro-con mode, I said NO again. Sounds crazy, but it really worked.

Example. Tonight after work I couldn't do my pump/combat double as I got stuck back at work late. I did combat, however. I had a protein drink thingy, which is about 300 calories, telling myself when I got home I would just have a piece of fruit for dinner. I don't get home until about 9pm anyway on Tuesdays. So, I got home - cold and tired after a bit of a shocker of a bus ride, and was all geared up for soup. It's not bad soup, it's really v. light and healthy, but I didn't need it! Instead, I ate an apple. It was a big kick-ass apple I can tell you, but that was all I needed. Then I had a nice hot choc - with honey and cocoa. And yeah, totally satisfied. Stick to the no!

Hmm, I think that's it.

Deep down, I know what works. Lately I have been doing this pathetic "oh, I don't know why these extra KGs are creeping on, blah blah genetics crap crap". I do know! Sure, some people could do what I do - exercise wise - and eat much worse than me and be thinner. Tough sh*t. I can't. For whatever reason I have an unforgiving metabolism where I really cannot let those little incidents happen.

I have been remembering this moment from 2006. It was an awesome moment. It's quite narcisistic, so apologies. But understand, only 12 months prior to this event I had weighed at least 25kg more and was unhealthy and miserable. Anyhoo, I was in Newtown and was walking up to meet some friends at the pub (where I was going to sip on a single gin and tonic - lower cals - and chat). I was wearing my first pair of size 10 jeans and a size M singlet (breakthrough), and I was probably about 3kg lighter but a lot fitter and more toned than where I am now. Back then I did A LOT more cross training as I wasn't doing the half-marathon stuff - an average week for me involved running 35km all up, doing 11 gym classes split between pump and combat, plus some extra cardio stuff.

So anyhoo, I was walking along in Newtown on a stinking hot summer's day. The previous summer had been miserable, squeezing into horrible size 16 jeans, sweating like a pig etc and feeling like everything was sticking to me. Which is probably was. I happened to glance in a shop window as I walked by and - narcisism, argh - I was seriously taken aback by my reflection. Were they MY slim thighs? OMG, yes. Was that my tiny, toned waist? Yes! Etc etc.

Flash forward to this week where I have been stunned and horrified by the changes in my body over the last month. Arggggh.

I won't go into it, suffice to say I ain't happy with stuff.

I know I can't essentially go back to 2006. I was younger-ish, but I also worked much differently. While I started at 5am, I finished by 12.30pm and was generally home by 1.30pm. Plenty of time to eat lunch and have a nice two hour nap or so, before heading off to the gym for 5pm or so.

Flash forward to now. Yeah, I start at around 8.30am ... but instead of hoping in a taxi at 4.30am I'm spending 40-50 minutes on public transport. So let's move that back to 7.30am. THEN, I need a bit longer to get ready (used to spend 30 minutes or less) as I have a lot more contact with clients - so let's make that 40 min to an hour to get ready. That's 6.30am. THEN, I finish at around 5.30pm. Plus, I actually have to work a LOT harder as I'm not just doing subbing and moving words around a bit - I'm actually doing STUFF that requires effort and mental energy.

Anyhoo, this is life. Yeah, I need to stop comparing - for my own sanity, and maybe I can cut myself a teeny bit of slack. Ultimately, however, I need to find a way that works for me - whatever that is. I did it before, and I need to do it again.

Will report back in a week or two, post wine tasting etc. Not that I imagine anyone is reading this, but I would dearly love to look back on this post in three months - at least 5kg lighter and a lot more toned and fit.