not much, essentially! But I do know what's right, for me, and what's wrong.
Mentioned previously how I had a baaaad week for food, not completely disastrous but certainly up there on the bad carbs ranking. And whoah, is it hitting my body! Weight hasn't substantially changed, yet, but I am feeling an extra kg or so in the stomach area. Oh joy.
So, here's what I know. I absolutely need a low-er carb diet. I refuse to go with no carbs because - hello - training for a half marathon and a zero carb diet just won't cut it. That being said, on Saturday I went for a 16km run (admittedly at a slower pace than I usually would) without carbing it up the night before and without my usual morning prep. AND I had a cold/sore throat thing. So, I think I'm getting fitter.
Anyhoo, obviously the pizza/thai week was super bad, but I have definitely let more carbs into my life than I need to. I really want to trim down those extra KGs for the next half-marathon, which is four weeks away, AND even moreso for the September half-marathon.
Number one, is to cut the booze. Empty carbs and calories. Yeah, alright, I enjoy it - but I have really been going way overboard. A bottle of wine on the average big night out - that's a whoooole lotta calories. This weekend is my last hurrah, as I'm heading for a wine tasting event, but after that - I'm on the dry and narrow. Hee hee.
Number two, cut the bloody biscuits. God damn biscuit jar at work. It gets me all the time. Some days one, some two, one day I had FOUR - holy jeezus, and I don't even eat them at home.
Obviously, I can do some little treats ... problem is I keep forgetting what I've already had because it's that "mindless eating", where you're just shoving stuff in and not really thinking about it or enjoying it. It would be much better if I saved the biscuit enjoyment for when I was home, tucked up on the couch, and not sitting in front of my desk at work stressing over the next piece of work that needs to be done.
Number three, veggies in all their forms. This is what works for me. I am giving myself free reign to essentially eat as much as I want of the following at all meals (excluding breakfast): cucumber, lettuce, spinach, carrot, zucchini, brussel sprouts, capsicum, celery, beans/peas, tomato, mushrooms ... and whatever else I've forgotten. Here's what I know works for me food wise: huuuuuge stack of veggies, small chicken breast/steak/lamb chops/tofu/fish, a potato/half a sweet potato/half a cut of rice/pasta, plus a splash of sauce. I stuck to that for a loooong time for lunch and dinner (although lunch I'd often swap the potato/rice etc for a bread roll. So I'm going back to what works.
Number four, detecting hunger. Previously, I would think about whether I was actually hungry (ie: what I had eaten/done that day etc) or if I was bored/tired/stressed etc. It took a while to adapt, but eventually I could actually control my hunger. Hah, no more! These days I often don't even give myself a chance to think before I'm shoving something (not always bad) inside my mouth. So, like when I quit another bad habit, when I feel the urge to eat instead I will: drink a cup of green/herbal tea, drink a litre of water or similar. Once I have done that and waited 10 minutes, if I still feel like eating I can have something.
Number five, don't think. I used to have a way of tricking myself (I've mentioned this before) so I didn't eat things I shouldn't. I would just say loudly, in my mind, NO. I didn't have that debate with myself - because man, I am soooo good at talking up the positives of getting that piece of banana bread with honeycomb butter. I just said no. And no, meant no. The minute I felt my brain starting to go into pro-con mode, I said NO again. Sounds crazy, but it really worked.
Example. Tonight after work I couldn't do my pump/combat double as I got stuck back at work late. I did combat, however. I had a protein drink thingy, which is about 300 calories, telling myself when I got home I would just have a piece of fruit for dinner. I don't get home until about 9pm anyway on Tuesdays. So, I got home - cold and tired after a bit of a shocker of a bus ride, and was all geared up for soup. It's not bad soup, it's really v. light and healthy, but I didn't need it! Instead, I ate an apple. It was a big kick-ass apple I can tell you, but that was all I needed. Then I had a nice hot choc - with honey and cocoa. And yeah, totally satisfied. Stick to the no!
Hmm, I think that's it.
Deep down, I know what works. Lately I have been doing this pathetic "oh, I don't know why these extra KGs are creeping on, blah blah genetics crap crap". I do know! Sure, some people could do what I do - exercise wise - and eat much worse than me and be thinner. Tough sh*t. I can't. For whatever reason I have an unforgiving metabolism where I really cannot let those little incidents happen.
I have been remembering this moment from 2006. It was an awesome moment. It's quite narcisistic, so apologies. But understand, only 12 months prior to this event I had weighed at least 25kg more and was unhealthy and miserable. Anyhoo, I was in Newtown and was walking up to meet some friends at the pub (where I was going to sip on a single gin and tonic - lower cals - and chat). I was wearing my first pair of size 10 jeans and a size M singlet (breakthrough), and I was probably about 3kg lighter but a lot fitter and more toned than where I am now. Back then I did A LOT more cross training as I wasn't doing the half-marathon stuff - an average week for me involved running 35km all up, doing 11 gym classes split between pump and combat, plus some extra cardio stuff.
So anyhoo, I was walking along in Newtown on a stinking hot summer's day. The previous summer had been miserable, squeezing into horrible size 16 jeans, sweating like a pig etc and feeling like everything was sticking to me. Which is probably was. I happened to glance in a shop window as I walked by and - narcisism, argh - I was seriously taken aback by my reflection. Were they MY slim thighs? OMG, yes. Was that my tiny, toned waist? Yes! Etc etc.
Flash forward to this week where I have been stunned and horrified by the changes in my body over the last month. Arggggh.
I won't go into it, suffice to say I ain't happy with stuff.
I know I can't essentially go back to 2006. I was younger-ish, but I also worked much differently. While I started at 5am, I finished by 12.30pm and was generally home by 1.30pm. Plenty of time to eat lunch and have a nice two hour nap or so, before heading off to the gym for 5pm or so.
Flash forward to now. Yeah, I start at around 8.30am ... but instead of hoping in a taxi at 4.30am I'm spending 40-50 minutes on public transport. So let's move that back to 7.30am. THEN, I need a bit longer to get ready (used to spend 30 minutes or less) as I have a lot more contact with clients - so let's make that 40 min to an hour to get ready. That's 6.30am. THEN, I finish at around 5.30pm. Plus, I actually have to work a LOT harder as I'm not just doing subbing and moving words around a bit - I'm actually doing STUFF that requires effort and mental energy.
Anyhoo, this is life. Yeah, I need to stop comparing - for my own sanity, and maybe I can cut myself a teeny bit of slack. Ultimately, however, I need to find a way that works for me - whatever that is. I did it before, and I need to do it again.
Will report back in a week or two, post wine tasting etc. Not that I imagine anyone is reading this, but I would dearly love to look back on this post in three months - at least 5kg lighter and a lot more toned and fit.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Strange fluctuations!
For the first time in a long time I've been regularly weighing myself, and I think now I remember why. Quite seriously, in the course of four days my weight quite literally fluctuated by three or four kilos. Unbelievable.
I must admit, it's not been a great week body-wise. I really haven't felt like myself. I did Combat on Monday, Pump/Combat double on Tuesday and then was SHATTERED for the next three days. On the Wednesday after the double my calf muscles were sore ... and during the day it got worse and worse and they were just two blocks of knotted muscle. Super painful. I think it was because I had a very busy day where I was sitting down for long blocks. Anyway, they were still agony to the touch three days later.
Thursday and Friday I started to feel tired and sick, scratchy sore throat and very tired. Unfortunately I have faaar too much on at work at the moment to take a day off, and I am only a few weeks (well, five I think) away from the Gold Coast half so I must keep the KMs and exercise up.
Ran 16km this morning with some of the CanToo crew. I ran at a slower pace than I would usually say is comfortable for me, but it was fun to run as a group and chat along the way. Supposed to be doing another hour/10km tomorrow but we shall see if I can manage that.
Think the weight fluctuations are to do with weird TOTM, had a demonic ovary month with shocking cramps and mood swings. But who knows.
I managed to do better with food this week - much, much better than the previous week of pizza, Thai and repeat. Next week, though, will be even better as I'm just going to stick to veg, lean meat/tuna, fruit and low GI carbs. Hopefully this will help things energy-wise as I always feel better when I eat cleanly. I guess it's nice to deviate every now and then though, if only to remind myself of why I stick on the straight and narrow.
Think I have really been doing a bit too much, not so much this week as over previous weeks and months. Looking in my diary I have barely had a weekend where there's not been 1001 things to be done for many months. Late nights, no relaxing between flat out weeks and work with stress and huge work loads.
Ahhh, I really just need to go back to basics - which is the best thing to do at times like this. Simple food, good sleep, exercise, stretching - and repeat.
Depending on which day it is, I'm anywhere between 2kg and 5kg away from where I'd really like to be. I feel confident, though, that with a month of good behaviour things should sort themselves out. Must get my tape measure out, as I've always found that a much better gauge of things.
I must admit, it's not been a great week body-wise. I really haven't felt like myself. I did Combat on Monday, Pump/Combat double on Tuesday and then was SHATTERED for the next three days. On the Wednesday after the double my calf muscles were sore ... and during the day it got worse and worse and they were just two blocks of knotted muscle. Super painful. I think it was because I had a very busy day where I was sitting down for long blocks. Anyway, they were still agony to the touch three days later.
Thursday and Friday I started to feel tired and sick, scratchy sore throat and very tired. Unfortunately I have faaar too much on at work at the moment to take a day off, and I am only a few weeks (well, five I think) away from the Gold Coast half so I must keep the KMs and exercise up.
Ran 16km this morning with some of the CanToo crew. I ran at a slower pace than I would usually say is comfortable for me, but it was fun to run as a group and chat along the way. Supposed to be doing another hour/10km tomorrow but we shall see if I can manage that.
Think the weight fluctuations are to do with weird TOTM, had a demonic ovary month with shocking cramps and mood swings. But who knows.
I managed to do better with food this week - much, much better than the previous week of pizza, Thai and repeat. Next week, though, will be even better as I'm just going to stick to veg, lean meat/tuna, fruit and low GI carbs. Hopefully this will help things energy-wise as I always feel better when I eat cleanly. I guess it's nice to deviate every now and then though, if only to remind myself of why I stick on the straight and narrow.
Think I have really been doing a bit too much, not so much this week as over previous weeks and months. Looking in my diary I have barely had a weekend where there's not been 1001 things to be done for many months. Late nights, no relaxing between flat out weeks and work with stress and huge work loads.
Ahhh, I really just need to go back to basics - which is the best thing to do at times like this. Simple food, good sleep, exercise, stretching - and repeat.
Depending on which day it is, I'm anywhere between 2kg and 5kg away from where I'd really like to be. I feel confident, though, that with a month of good behaviour things should sort themselves out. Must get my tape measure out, as I've always found that a much better gauge of things.
Monday, 17 May 2010
Ouch and refocus
The SMH Half-Marathon and my first race for 2010 was yesterday, and oooohhh boy was it a) painful, b) challenging, c) fun!, and finally d) a wake up call.
I was very nervous on Saturday, the day before the race, so spent the day cleaning and doing a little bit of shopping. The cleaning was so that when I got home after the race I would be able to relax rather than worry about needing to clean the house. I also changed the sheets on my bed, so I would have those deliciously clean fresh sheets to sleep in. In the evening a few members of my CanToo group gathered for dinner at one of their houses, for a spot of carb loading and nerve calming. I think this is where I made a bit of a mistakes, eating a bit more than I really wanted to (but oh, it was delish). I slept pretty well once I got my brain to stop going through the details of the next day - what time I was getting up, where I was parking, what time the train was etc. Thankfully I'd had a great sleep on Friday night, so I still felt pretty fresh when I woke up.
Early start on Race Day. Alarm was set for 4.30am but I was wide awake at 4am and decided to get up and moving. Breakfast was two pieces of soy and linseed bread with peanut butter and banana, plus a strong coffee to wake me up and get things going. Because I was nervous, this didn't sit so well! Think I will go back to porridge from now on.
I was giving four people a lift from my place. It was great travelling in with them as they helped to take my mind off the race, we had fun taking picks at the train station and on the train too, making jokes and talking about everything except running!
We got to the start line nice and early, plenty of time to go to the toilet without having to wait for 20 minutes in a queue and put bags into the bag check, which can be a little hectic when there are 10,000-plus people in the race. I love the atomsphere at big races, there are people from all different walks of life, and different fitness and ability levels, and they're all so excited and alive - up bright and early on a Sunday to run 21.1km instead of sleeping in bed, drinking coffee or reading the paper (which sounds pretty good when you're shivering at 6.30am standing around in your running gear).
We did a good warm up, stretching session and got some last words of advice from our coach, who is a legend and a running inspiration. After getting a big group photo with the wider CanToo group the 1h55min "bus", as we were calling ourselves, headed up to the startline. Last year I started waaaay back in the pack and, as a consequence, was constantly dodging and weaving to try to get past people, so this year I was determined to get closer to the start to avoid the slower congestion. It was a good move, as I didn't find myself doing quite as much sideways running, which I find very tiring.
It was great running with the "bus", which initially included my good friend Sam, two great guys from the group - Ben and Mike - and our coach. The banter was light and supportive, we were all monitoring how everyone was feeling about the pace etc. Our first km was a bit over our average km pace goal of 5.27min, but we picked it up on the next one. Unfortunately at about the 7km mark or so we lost Sam as she ran into the Marriot hotel for an urgent bathroom stop. The poor thing has had lots of problems lately getting bad stomach cramps during running which result in her needing to find a bathroom ASAP! I wanted to stop with her, but I knew I'd never get back on track so stuck with the bus. At the 8km mark our coach got off the bus to drop back and catch up with some of the other runners from our group, but it was great to have him for those 8km.
I took my first Gu/gel at this point which is where everything went a bit pear shaped. I take these gels all the time, but for some reason yesterday it just did not sit well. I possibly should've drunk some more water, but I'm not sure that would've helped. I stuck with the bus - just - until about 13km, when I started feeling dizzy. It's quite a strange sensation to feel dizzy when you're running, but my face started tingling and I was actually worried I was going to faint. So I took a bit of a water/walking break at one of the water stations. So I got off the bus! I was totally peeved at myself, but I was determined not to let it stop me from finishing or getting in under two hours.
At about 18km I hit the wall big time. My hamstrings cramped and my feet were in agony, think it's time for some new shoes. I really desperately wanted to stop, but I managed to keep putting one foot in front of each other - just! Thankfully at about the 20km mark I caught up with one of the guys from the bus. Mike was struggling just as much as I was, but we managed to motivate each other for the last KM and we both finished in about 1h59min! I was STOKED. And very proud of myself for finishing when I was in sooo much pain.
I was on pretty wobbly legs, and feeling quite dizzy again. I probably needed another gel at about 16km or so, but I was feeling so sick that I just couldn't face it. I got to the bag pick-up area and thankfully didn't have to wait too long for my bag. Wandered around and located some food - got an apple, mandarin and two Powerbars. Plus some water. I really wanted Gatorade but there were a million people queuing up for it so I decided to stick with water. I located the CanToo tent in the recovery village and caught up with some of my team mates. This gave me another great boost of energy, seeing their smiling faces - flushed from the exercise and glowing with pride, especially the people who had never done a half-mara before and who didn't think they could ever do one.
So, that's the long-winded race report - and the ouch!
The second part of this post is my re-focus. I've been struggling with diet lately and, dang, it's showing. So I've decided it's time to tighten things up a bit. No more letting things slide and not worrying about the extra biscuit, beer, coffee (with sugar) etc. I have some goals, but I won't mention them just yet as I want to do some measurements and serious planning in terms of food and set some restrictions around alcohol and going out to dinner and stuff like that.
Anyhoo, I'm off to see the Sea Eagles take on the Eels tonight, so I'm going to make a smoothie and then get some extra sleep.
I was very nervous on Saturday, the day before the race, so spent the day cleaning and doing a little bit of shopping. The cleaning was so that when I got home after the race I would be able to relax rather than worry about needing to clean the house. I also changed the sheets on my bed, so I would have those deliciously clean fresh sheets to sleep in. In the evening a few members of my CanToo group gathered for dinner at one of their houses, for a spot of carb loading and nerve calming. I think this is where I made a bit of a mistakes, eating a bit more than I really wanted to (but oh, it was delish). I slept pretty well once I got my brain to stop going through the details of the next day - what time I was getting up, where I was parking, what time the train was etc. Thankfully I'd had a great sleep on Friday night, so I still felt pretty fresh when I woke up.
Early start on Race Day. Alarm was set for 4.30am but I was wide awake at 4am and decided to get up and moving. Breakfast was two pieces of soy and linseed bread with peanut butter and banana, plus a strong coffee to wake me up and get things going. Because I was nervous, this didn't sit so well! Think I will go back to porridge from now on.
I was giving four people a lift from my place. It was great travelling in with them as they helped to take my mind off the race, we had fun taking picks at the train station and on the train too, making jokes and talking about everything except running!
We got to the start line nice and early, plenty of time to go to the toilet without having to wait for 20 minutes in a queue and put bags into the bag check, which can be a little hectic when there are 10,000-plus people in the race. I love the atomsphere at big races, there are people from all different walks of life, and different fitness and ability levels, and they're all so excited and alive - up bright and early on a Sunday to run 21.1km instead of sleeping in bed, drinking coffee or reading the paper (which sounds pretty good when you're shivering at 6.30am standing around in your running gear).
We did a good warm up, stretching session and got some last words of advice from our coach, who is a legend and a running inspiration. After getting a big group photo with the wider CanToo group the 1h55min "bus", as we were calling ourselves, headed up to the startline. Last year I started waaaay back in the pack and, as a consequence, was constantly dodging and weaving to try to get past people, so this year I was determined to get closer to the start to avoid the slower congestion. It was a good move, as I didn't find myself doing quite as much sideways running, which I find very tiring.
It was great running with the "bus", which initially included my good friend Sam, two great guys from the group - Ben and Mike - and our coach. The banter was light and supportive, we were all monitoring how everyone was feeling about the pace etc. Our first km was a bit over our average km pace goal of 5.27min, but we picked it up on the next one. Unfortunately at about the 7km mark or so we lost Sam as she ran into the Marriot hotel for an urgent bathroom stop. The poor thing has had lots of problems lately getting bad stomach cramps during running which result in her needing to find a bathroom ASAP! I wanted to stop with her, but I knew I'd never get back on track so stuck with the bus. At the 8km mark our coach got off the bus to drop back and catch up with some of the other runners from our group, but it was great to have him for those 8km.
I took my first Gu/gel at this point which is where everything went a bit pear shaped. I take these gels all the time, but for some reason yesterday it just did not sit well. I possibly should've drunk some more water, but I'm not sure that would've helped. I stuck with the bus - just - until about 13km, when I started feeling dizzy. It's quite a strange sensation to feel dizzy when you're running, but my face started tingling and I was actually worried I was going to faint. So I took a bit of a water/walking break at one of the water stations. So I got off the bus! I was totally peeved at myself, but I was determined not to let it stop me from finishing or getting in under two hours.
At about 18km I hit the wall big time. My hamstrings cramped and my feet were in agony, think it's time for some new shoes. I really desperately wanted to stop, but I managed to keep putting one foot in front of each other - just! Thankfully at about the 20km mark I caught up with one of the guys from the bus. Mike was struggling just as much as I was, but we managed to motivate each other for the last KM and we both finished in about 1h59min! I was STOKED. And very proud of myself for finishing when I was in sooo much pain.
I was on pretty wobbly legs, and feeling quite dizzy again. I probably needed another gel at about 16km or so, but I was feeling so sick that I just couldn't face it. I got to the bag pick-up area and thankfully didn't have to wait too long for my bag. Wandered around and located some food - got an apple, mandarin and two Powerbars. Plus some water. I really wanted Gatorade but there were a million people queuing up for it so I decided to stick with water. I located the CanToo tent in the recovery village and caught up with some of my team mates. This gave me another great boost of energy, seeing their smiling faces - flushed from the exercise and glowing with pride, especially the people who had never done a half-mara before and who didn't think they could ever do one.
So, that's the long-winded race report - and the ouch!
The second part of this post is my re-focus. I've been struggling with diet lately and, dang, it's showing. So I've decided it's time to tighten things up a bit. No more letting things slide and not worrying about the extra biscuit, beer, coffee (with sugar) etc. I have some goals, but I won't mention them just yet as I want to do some measurements and serious planning in terms of food and set some restrictions around alcohol and going out to dinner and stuff like that.
Anyhoo, I'm off to see the Sea Eagles take on the Eels tonight, so I'm going to make a smoothie and then get some extra sleep.
Monday, 10 May 2010
Man stuff
In other news, men are extremely confusing types.
On Saturday I met "the new guy" for what he describes as "non-alcohol based behaviour". Which I was cool with. Most of our dates have revolved around drinking wine or eating, which in my mind was GREAT as I love wine and I only think that once I really stepped over the line between being tipsy (and still capable of coherent/intelligent conversation) and drunk, and HE was drunk too.
He has dropped a few comments about it, which has bothered me a bit. I am comfortable with my alcohol intake levels and I have never gone beyond the point of control, EVER. I have decided to let existing comments go, they were in the vein of seeing a preview on TV for 60 Minutes or A Current Affair (can't remember which) featuring a special on teenage binge drinking and him asking me if I was a teenager binge drinker. I soooo wasn't, so naturally I said "no", to which he replied "huh, what happened?" Idiot. I would like to believe he was just being provocative (it worked), so just laughed, but if it comes up again I'm thinking that he has some opinion on my drinking and I'll ask him exactly what he'd like to say.
So that's one current point of annoyance. It's probably just a personality thing. It's just that he seems to have this way of managing to exclude his behaviour from judgement and focus on mine. Hellooo, it wasn't like I was there drinking by myself.
NOT going to allow it to cloud my judgement as I am PMSing a bit and that always makes me a bit prickly about these sort of things.
Just one more vent though. We went to dinner - as part of a paid-for work event put on by a client. My role as a food writer and editor is to assess everything and try pretty much everything so that I can comment on it. We were at a progressive dinner that went to various restaurants in Sydney for each course - nibbles at one, main at another, dessert somewhere else etc. So, at the restaurant for the main course we were served this amaaazing hand-made pasta. It was to die for. There was also, however, this delicious and fluffy looking homemade bread - served with chilli oil (my favourite). I'd commented on how good the pasta was, but I really wanted to try the bread as it looked amazing. I was served a huge wedge of it, but I only ate a tiny corner of it - and it and the chilli oil were both simply DELICIOUS. As I commented on how good it was, he says to me "why don't you just have more pasta instead of eating the bread". WTF? What's it to him? We weren't paying, I had brought him along as a "colleague" so he was there for 100% free (whereas I have to write something about it).
Urgh, to be honest, I am thinking these are not good signs but - also to be honest - I want to determine that it's not just a range of other things including: me PMSing, reading too much into things, looking for things to fault in self-protection behaviour, etc etc.
I am well-known for my self-protection behaviour. These days, I am better at spotting it ... but the first major case of it was a few years ago when I had been with my ex for about six weeks I absolutely LOST IT at him one night and ran off in a huff. No idea what sparked it now. But that was classic self-protection behaviour because I knew we were getting "close" and I was starting to freak out about putting myself in that situation where I was vulnerable and someone could hurt me. As it turns out of course he WAS very bad for me - emotionally manipulative, insecure and more, so perhaps I should've trusted my instincts?
Hmm, anyway, I am trying (after this post of course) not to think too much about it, because I can be my own worst enemy - talking myself into and out of things.
We shall see.
On Saturday I met "the new guy" for what he describes as "non-alcohol based behaviour". Which I was cool with. Most of our dates have revolved around drinking wine or eating, which in my mind was GREAT as I love wine and I only think that once I really stepped over the line between being tipsy (and still capable of coherent/intelligent conversation) and drunk, and HE was drunk too.
He has dropped a few comments about it, which has bothered me a bit. I am comfortable with my alcohol intake levels and I have never gone beyond the point of control, EVER. I have decided to let existing comments go, they were in the vein of seeing a preview on TV for 60 Minutes or A Current Affair (can't remember which) featuring a special on teenage binge drinking and him asking me if I was a teenager binge drinker. I soooo wasn't, so naturally I said "no", to which he replied "huh, what happened?" Idiot. I would like to believe he was just being provocative (it worked), so just laughed, but if it comes up again I'm thinking that he has some opinion on my drinking and I'll ask him exactly what he'd like to say.
So that's one current point of annoyance. It's probably just a personality thing. It's just that he seems to have this way of managing to exclude his behaviour from judgement and focus on mine. Hellooo, it wasn't like I was there drinking by myself.
NOT going to allow it to cloud my judgement as I am PMSing a bit and that always makes me a bit prickly about these sort of things.
Just one more vent though. We went to dinner - as part of a paid-for work event put on by a client. My role as a food writer and editor is to assess everything and try pretty much everything so that I can comment on it. We were at a progressive dinner that went to various restaurants in Sydney for each course - nibbles at one, main at another, dessert somewhere else etc. So, at the restaurant for the main course we were served this amaaazing hand-made pasta. It was to die for. There was also, however, this delicious and fluffy looking homemade bread - served with chilli oil (my favourite). I'd commented on how good the pasta was, but I really wanted to try the bread as it looked amazing. I was served a huge wedge of it, but I only ate a tiny corner of it - and it and the chilli oil were both simply DELICIOUS. As I commented on how good it was, he says to me "why don't you just have more pasta instead of eating the bread". WTF? What's it to him? We weren't paying, I had brought him along as a "colleague" so he was there for 100% free (whereas I have to write something about it).
Urgh, to be honest, I am thinking these are not good signs but - also to be honest - I want to determine that it's not just a range of other things including: me PMSing, reading too much into things, looking for things to fault in self-protection behaviour, etc etc.
I am well-known for my self-protection behaviour. These days, I am better at spotting it ... but the first major case of it was a few years ago when I had been with my ex for about six weeks I absolutely LOST IT at him one night and ran off in a huff. No idea what sparked it now. But that was classic self-protection behaviour because I knew we were getting "close" and I was starting to freak out about putting myself in that situation where I was vulnerable and someone could hurt me. As it turns out of course he WAS very bad for me - emotionally manipulative, insecure and more, so perhaps I should've trusted my instincts?
Hmm, anyway, I am trying (after this post of course) not to think too much about it, because I can be my own worst enemy - talking myself into and out of things.
We shall see.
Feeling better
Saturday morning's run on the SMH half-marathon course worked wonders! It was a simply stunning autumn morning, cool and crisp air, clear skies and a light breeze. Unfortunately, I still felt pretty dreadful due to coldy/sinus thingy, but I decided to run with some of my teammates on 5.30min/km pacing to see if I could manage it for the half.
Unlike last week when we bolted off the startline - which resulted in us running several KMs at 5min pacing or under and me having to drop back to a more reasonable 5.40min/km pace - we took it out easy. We ran the first km in a very moderate 5.55min, which was needed as we were all creaking and groaning a bit trying to warm up. From there, we kicked it up to sit between 5.20min and 5.35min kms for the rest of the run (around 10.5km), which one accidental 5.13min km which was my fault (started running hard up a hill and kept that pace).
While I know I won't be too devastated if I don't run 1hr 55min, I REALLY want to and I really think I can do it if I stick with these guys. I felt great until about the 50minute mark (we finished in 56.20mins) and I could not have turned around and done it all again. With water, energy gel, a bit of carb loading the night before etc I think it's definitely achievable. I also like running with these two guys, they're both just top-notch fellas who manage to motivate you in a very subtle way. No yelling or cliched phrases (pain is weakness leaving the body - not helpful at the 19km mark), just quiet support and the fact that they have faith in you and believe you can do it. It works wonders!
My coldy/sinus thingy is lingering and ANNOYING me, but I am determined to shift it this week with a bit of sensible behaviour - sleeping more than six hours a night, good food, no alcohol etc.
Super excited!
Unlike last week when we bolted off the startline - which resulted in us running several KMs at 5min pacing or under and me having to drop back to a more reasonable 5.40min/km pace - we took it out easy. We ran the first km in a very moderate 5.55min, which was needed as we were all creaking and groaning a bit trying to warm up. From there, we kicked it up to sit between 5.20min and 5.35min kms for the rest of the run (around 10.5km), which one accidental 5.13min km which was my fault (started running hard up a hill and kept that pace).
While I know I won't be too devastated if I don't run 1hr 55min, I REALLY want to and I really think I can do it if I stick with these guys. I felt great until about the 50minute mark (we finished in 56.20mins) and I could not have turned around and done it all again. With water, energy gel, a bit of carb loading the night before etc I think it's definitely achievable. I also like running with these two guys, they're both just top-notch fellas who manage to motivate you in a very subtle way. No yelling or cliched phrases (pain is weakness leaving the body - not helpful at the 19km mark), just quiet support and the fact that they have faith in you and believe you can do it. It works wonders!
My coldy/sinus thingy is lingering and ANNOYING me, but I am determined to shift it this week with a bit of sensible behaviour - sleeping more than six hours a night, good food, no alcohol etc.
Super excited!
Friday, 7 May 2010
Running, gyming, working and a new man
Well, another long stint of AWOL behaviour from me. Not without just cause. Work has naturally gone mental and I feel like I spent most of April putting out spot fires and chasing myself around. While I naturally love long weekends, having shorter weeks (but the same amount of work to do) is not ideal. The good news, however, is that I had a very successful April in that I met all of my targets and kicked some great goals, putting together some great content for my websites (articles, slideshows etc). So, big tick there.
Training for my next half has been mixed. I have really been struggling with tight ITBs and sore knees, plus motivation in general. I am feeling a bit burnt out, physically and mentally, from early mornings to get a run in or to get to the gym before work (which means a 5.30am wake-up), and the group I am training with - with CanToo - well, we just haven't gelled as well as with other groups. There is also a strange resentment between what's called Wave A and B.
It's pretty obvious, but Wave A are the runners who are slightly more experienced and faster, and Wave B are either beginners or more social runners (or just like to take it a bit easier). I am by no stretch of the imagination a fast runner, I am just middle of the pack but I push myself quite hard and don't like to mess around too much if that makes sense. I mean, I still have great fun with it and love chatting to my friends while we run - but I'm there to "do the business" and get on with my day. Anyway, Wave A really only consists of about six people compared with 21 people in Wave B and we have had to deal with some weird comments and attitude. I think they think that we think less of them, when in fact they inspire us because they all push so hard and have improved sooo much. Ahh, anyway. Not long to go now.
So, slightly injury-plagued plus weird inter-group tensions, lots of work and a few too many big weekends, means I really am not feeling ready for the run. I initially had aimed to run it in under 1hr55min or at least better than my pb of 1hr57min, but now I will be happy to a) finish and b) run in under two hours. Plus, I am determined to maintain a better attitude than my last half-marathon or this race last year, when I let horrible negative self-talk get the better of me. Basically, I was really hurting and I got stuck in a loop of self-hate.
Anyway, this is the first one for the year, and I plan to do three more so there's plenty of time to get to 1hr55min.
In other much more exciting news, I've been seeing a new man. And it really is exciting, but in a more grown up way. I am not crazily lust-filled, like I have previously been at this stage (two month mark) in other "situations" (refuse to say relationships). At the same time, however, I definitely lust after him! I would say that he really crept up on me, I mean, we met on RSVP so we met on a date but initially I really didn't think I was interested. But, we had such a great time together that we agreed to be friends and still catch up. By the third date of great conversation and lots of laughs I started to get the feeling that I was interested in more than just friends, and so was he. And, yay, he was/is!
It's weird, because he's not what I would ever have described as "my type" of guy. While he's not adverse to exercise, it's not a big part of his day to day life. Whereas it pretty much forms the backbone of mine and I am usually really only interested in guys who am sporty/active. But he's still super strong and much fitter than you would expect. He has an active job, so that would help.
Secondly, he's a very gentle, sweet type of guy. Of course, I like sweet guys, but because I am a very strong and independent type of person, I've always felt a bit uncomfortable around guys who don't strike me as being strong and confident. His quietly spoken, slightly shy nature, however, is not the real him though! He is definitely a quietly confident and strong guy, but he's thoughtful and considerate, and has a lovely gentle nature. Already he's impressed me and put a huge smile on my face (even now) by doing incredibly thoughtful things. You know, he suggests places to go for dinner, makes bookings at restaurants instead of just taking pot-luck, buys tickets for shows, and when he cooked me dinner he made an extra effort to make sure it was super-healthy and fat-free. It wasn't THE best, because he served me about three-times as much food as I would ever eat in one go, but the effort he went to to make something I would like pleased me more than any $500 night at a restaurant.
I have been trying not to talk or gush about it too much as I don't want to jinx things, but I feel like things are heading in the right direction - at a steady but slow pace (which I like) - so putting it out there in the cosmos won't do any harm.
And in between running, gyming and meeting a new guy, I've been loving reading everyone's blogs and seeing them overcome their own challenges and working towards their goals. Totally inspirational.
Training for my next half has been mixed. I have really been struggling with tight ITBs and sore knees, plus motivation in general. I am feeling a bit burnt out, physically and mentally, from early mornings to get a run in or to get to the gym before work (which means a 5.30am wake-up), and the group I am training with - with CanToo - well, we just haven't gelled as well as with other groups. There is also a strange resentment between what's called Wave A and B.
It's pretty obvious, but Wave A are the runners who are slightly more experienced and faster, and Wave B are either beginners or more social runners (or just like to take it a bit easier). I am by no stretch of the imagination a fast runner, I am just middle of the pack but I push myself quite hard and don't like to mess around too much if that makes sense. I mean, I still have great fun with it and love chatting to my friends while we run - but I'm there to "do the business" and get on with my day. Anyway, Wave A really only consists of about six people compared with 21 people in Wave B and we have had to deal with some weird comments and attitude. I think they think that we think less of them, when in fact they inspire us because they all push so hard and have improved sooo much. Ahh, anyway. Not long to go now.
So, slightly injury-plagued plus weird inter-group tensions, lots of work and a few too many big weekends, means I really am not feeling ready for the run. I initially had aimed to run it in under 1hr55min or at least better than my pb of 1hr57min, but now I will be happy to a) finish and b) run in under two hours. Plus, I am determined to maintain a better attitude than my last half-marathon or this race last year, when I let horrible negative self-talk get the better of me. Basically, I was really hurting and I got stuck in a loop of self-hate.
Anyway, this is the first one for the year, and I plan to do three more so there's plenty of time to get to 1hr55min.
In other much more exciting news, I've been seeing a new man. And it really is exciting, but in a more grown up way. I am not crazily lust-filled, like I have previously been at this stage (two month mark) in other "situations" (refuse to say relationships). At the same time, however, I definitely lust after him! I would say that he really crept up on me, I mean, we met on RSVP so we met on a date but initially I really didn't think I was interested. But, we had such a great time together that we agreed to be friends and still catch up. By the third date of great conversation and lots of laughs I started to get the feeling that I was interested in more than just friends, and so was he. And, yay, he was/is!
It's weird, because he's not what I would ever have described as "my type" of guy. While he's not adverse to exercise, it's not a big part of his day to day life. Whereas it pretty much forms the backbone of mine and I am usually really only interested in guys who am sporty/active. But he's still super strong and much fitter than you would expect. He has an active job, so that would help.
Secondly, he's a very gentle, sweet type of guy. Of course, I like sweet guys, but because I am a very strong and independent type of person, I've always felt a bit uncomfortable around guys who don't strike me as being strong and confident. His quietly spoken, slightly shy nature, however, is not the real him though! He is definitely a quietly confident and strong guy, but he's thoughtful and considerate, and has a lovely gentle nature. Already he's impressed me and put a huge smile on my face (even now) by doing incredibly thoughtful things. You know, he suggests places to go for dinner, makes bookings at restaurants instead of just taking pot-luck, buys tickets for shows, and when he cooked me dinner he made an extra effort to make sure it was super-healthy and fat-free. It wasn't THE best, because he served me about three-times as much food as I would ever eat in one go, but the effort he went to to make something I would like pleased me more than any $500 night at a restaurant.
I have been trying not to talk or gush about it too much as I don't want to jinx things, but I feel like things are heading in the right direction - at a steady but slow pace (which I like) - so putting it out there in the cosmos won't do any harm.
And in between running, gyming and meeting a new guy, I've been loving reading everyone's blogs and seeing them overcome their own challenges and working towards their goals. Totally inspirational.
Saturday, 17 April 2010
One Month Count Doooown
Counting down. We're in the real business end of training for the SMH half-marathon. It's exactly one month tomorrow! Today we did 18km. Let me make that, 18 HARD km! We ran along a gorgeous track through the Lane Cove National Park. Stunning scenery, lovely and cool to be out of the sun (which was quite hot today when there was no breeze) holy cow, it was intense. There were some horrendous up-hill sections which involved stairs. Not your nice concrete stairs, but bush-stairs - rocks, wooden steps twice or three times as wide as other your standard step. TWO sets! Yeowch. Finally, at the 9km turn-around there was a seriously bad-ass hill. Practically vertical. Argh! My coach even said to me that it was the hardest course he'd ever run!
This comes after some big training weeks on the track. Last week was 8x400m, this week was 12 laps of "straights and curves" - 100m hard, 100m easy, 100m hard and 100m easy then a lap recovery. All up, it was 24 laps, plus four for warm-up. I was sooo tired afterwards I could barely speak. Oh, plus we had fifteen seconds recovery in between sets and were running them in under 5.20min.
Right now, I'm struggling a bit because work has been very very busy and I'm finding myself snacking on things I really shouldn't be. However, I am refusing to panic. Still four weeks to the race and I'm confident I can drop a good 3kg. I just need to stop the bad snacking as everything else is pretty good. Plus, the team have gone "dry" for the last month of training. Not that we drink a LOT, but just to give ourselves a bit of a booze break, save some calories AND some cashola! I am looking forward to the challenge, although I have given myself a pass for a night or two.
I should add that last weekend, after a 16km training run, a friend and I went on a 25km overnight hike. More stunning countryside, but it was a notoriously hard track with lots of big climbs up mountain-sides and down steep cliffs and the like. By Sunday evening, I had easily done 42km if you include walking to and from train stations and the like. Which, I will admit, was not the best way of preparing for the big training sessions this week.
So, no more hikes until AFTER the race. Swim tomorrow morning to attempt to loosen up what feels like atrophied legs, Mondays are a 7km tempo run, Tuesday morning is Pump, Wednesday is track work, Thursdays Pump and Friday is a DAY OFF, then Saturday is the training run. Next week is 18km next week and then the following two we start a taper with two weeks of 11km.
I am hoping that making a big diet change in terms of snacks and really making sure my lunches and dinners are spot on (breakfast is sorted - I usually just have porridge made with water and skim milk).
Fingers crossed I can slim things down a bit as after two recent hikes, I've really learnt to appreciate the difference a few kilos makes to carry around.
This comes after some big training weeks on the track. Last week was 8x400m, this week was 12 laps of "straights and curves" - 100m hard, 100m easy, 100m hard and 100m easy then a lap recovery. All up, it was 24 laps, plus four for warm-up. I was sooo tired afterwards I could barely speak. Oh, plus we had fifteen seconds recovery in between sets and were running them in under 5.20min.
Right now, I'm struggling a bit because work has been very very busy and I'm finding myself snacking on things I really shouldn't be. However, I am refusing to panic. Still four weeks to the race and I'm confident I can drop a good 3kg. I just need to stop the bad snacking as everything else is pretty good. Plus, the team have gone "dry" for the last month of training. Not that we drink a LOT, but just to give ourselves a bit of a booze break, save some calories AND some cashola! I am looking forward to the challenge, although I have given myself a pass for a night or two.
I should add that last weekend, after a 16km training run, a friend and I went on a 25km overnight hike. More stunning countryside, but it was a notoriously hard track with lots of big climbs up mountain-sides and down steep cliffs and the like. By Sunday evening, I had easily done 42km if you include walking to and from train stations and the like. Which, I will admit, was not the best way of preparing for the big training sessions this week.
So, no more hikes until AFTER the race. Swim tomorrow morning to attempt to loosen up what feels like atrophied legs, Mondays are a 7km tempo run, Tuesday morning is Pump, Wednesday is track work, Thursdays Pump and Friday is a DAY OFF, then Saturday is the training run. Next week is 18km next week and then the following two we start a taper with two weeks of 11km.
I am hoping that making a big diet change in terms of snacks and really making sure my lunches and dinners are spot on (breakfast is sorted - I usually just have porridge made with water and skim milk).
Fingers crossed I can slim things down a bit as after two recent hikes, I've really learnt to appreciate the difference a few kilos makes to carry around.
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