Oh, I fell!

It should not be a familiar story ... but it is! Stacked in less than 1km into today's 16km training run. Running up one of the big hills, thinking about pace/breathing/body position etc and did not see or appreciate how uneven the footpath was at one particular point. Felt my foot hit the uneven edge and before I had time to stop myself ... splat. Foolishly - but naturally - put my hands out to stop myself, now have several huge chunks/grazes out of my hands, banged one knee painfully on the footpath and now have a rather large, purple and red looking lump. Thankfully was wearing 3/4 pants so did not graze it too badly. Argh.

On the plus side, the adrenalin from the fall kept me going for a good couple of kms! Of course I kept running, ignoring the blood on my hands and strips of skin hanging off. Totally gross I know. Ran 16km in 1hr 37mins, but the last km nearly KILLED me despite taking extra hit of gel. How disgusting is that stuff? It really is putrid. Not the taste, but the texture. Like a big blob of congealed ... um, something. Plus is really quite sweet and sticky ... but does the trick, instantly felt energy come into the legs.

Topped off an absolute RUBBISH week in my life. They say bad things happen in threes ... I think I've had three and a half. Monday evening I locked myself out on the balcony of my first floor apartment, was cleaning it and didn't want dust etc to go into the newly cleaned flat, slid the door home a little hard but obviously didn't realise I was locked out until I went to go back inside. Bugger! Spent about five minutes contemplating whether I could swing myself over the edge of and drop down (about two metres) to the ground without breaking my ankle ... thankfully didn't have to test that theory as one of my neighbours wandered up the street and saw me looking around in what I imagine was a rather frantic manner. He came up and asked me if I was alright, admitted I was locked out ... he laughed, naturally, and got a ladder and helped me down. I am NOT good with heights, especially doing things at heights like climbing onto the balcony ledge and trying to get my foot on a ladder rung that was, what, four inches by 15 or so? Oh well, I did it. Lovely neighbour then let me back into the building, scary bit was when I asked him to call me a locksmith. He asked what type of lock I had on the door, explained it, and he whips out his Video Ezy card ... had the door open in less than 30 seconds.

So very comforting to know my door can be broken into so easily. I was so relieved at the time I didn't think about it too much and am still trying not to think about the implications too much. That was incident #1.

Incident #2 was getting a flat tyre on the way home from work on Thursday. Had 1001 things to do ahead of my "Super Friday" Good Friday BBQ, least of all was to pick up the 2kg of prawns I had ordered, bread rolls and whatnot. Called trusty NRMA who told me they were at least an hour away. Righto, changed it myself with traffic whizzing by at an alarming rate. What was even more alarming/upsetting was the amount of angry honks I got. What the HELL did these drivers expect me to do? Go faster? Worst offender was a silver service taxi that got stuck behind me and sat there honking and waving his arms at me in an agitated state. I totally realise how frustrating it must have been to be him, but it was hardly my fault. God, changing tyres is HARD. Well, not too bad ... but it took me several goes to lift the new tyre onto the bolt-thingies. Tyres are heavy! Had to line the holes in the wheel up with the bolts and then slide the wheel on. Would've been fine if I hadn't done Pump at lunch. Argh. Anyway, I did it. Got the prawns etc and then sat at home with a glass of wine, aching arms and feeling just a tad sorry for myself.

Incident #3 must be today's running stack. Hands and knee are really very painful, have wrenched my left shoulder and it's also aching.

Oh well, must mean I've got the bad stuff out of the way for a while? Please???

SHOULD be going out tonight, but I'm just knackered and sore ... and really need some "me" time, just watching rubbish TV or DVDs, reading and going to bed super early. Had very busy and stressful week at work and found myself awake after midnight most nights, with the 5am alarm bzzzz drawing closer. One morning woke up at 4am, bright and alert, and went for a run. Didn't get home until 9.30pm due to some last-minute filming work I had to do.

Anyhoo, the half-marathon is only five weeks away. That means five weeks of crystal clear living, minimal booze, low-carbs (smart carbs too), lots of fruit and veg and sleep! Must get more sleep. It WAS a New Years resolution afterall.

Urgh, some trouble with my ex of nearly a year too. He's decided he wants to give it another go. Hah, no way, mate, am I going back for round three of being made to feel miserable and unattractive. His tactics have included practically begging, to accusing me of not giving "us" a chance, to accusing me of not knowing what I've thrown away ... claiming we had something special. I'm SURE it was special for him, I did everything for him and looked after him and he did NOTHING for me. Literally nothing. Except reject me physically, emotionally and in every other way ... plus put me down and criticise my every fault. We all have faults, but do we need to have them pointed out to us on a constant basis by someone who randomly says they love us? NO.

Have gone into radio silence ... or at least, am ignoring anything I now get from him. Jerk.

Anyhoo, two more days of the long weekend - whoo hooooo!

Exhaustion and beyond

Oh. Dear. God. My body is BROKEN. Mixture of good, bad and ugleeee are the contributing factors. Friday - 20 mins of interval training on the treadmill, 2 min warm-up at 6min/km then 2 mins @ 5 min/km and - eeeek - 2 min at 4.30min/km x 8 or so. Plus 20 mins of weights - mainly lunges with bicep curls (5kg each hand), tricep extentions with 12.5kg weight, shoulder work etc etc. Saturday was 12km run, done in 71mins, extreme hill factor. Afternoon was Bikram, then in the evening went to a party in Surry Hills that was soooo boring I was required to drink about 6 G&Ts to survive it.

Got home at about 1.30am and due to my bodyclock I still woke up at 5.30am ... which was actually 4.30am due to daylight savings ending!!! Gaaah. Lay in bed for about an hour trying to sleep/reading and finally got up at 6.30am to do some stuff. After much deliberation about whether my legs could take it, I did Pump at 10.30am. Phew, legs were totally screwed so took it easy on them and upped the weights on the upper body tracks. So now everything hurts! Nice and even.

Drove over to the other side of the city to pick up a small table and chairs from an Ebayer, managed to pack them all into the Corolla - mightly AZJ!!! And then had somewhat harrowing drive back with limited vision out the back window. Survived it, however.

Now it's 6.15pm and I'm wondering how long I have to wait until I go to bed and what I should have for dinner ... or if I can even be bothered to have dinner. Soooo tired.

And it all starts again tomorrow. Although ... having the arvo off gym and running tomorrow (actually, will prob do short 3o min light run) to do some serious cleaning ahead of my Good Friday non-meat BBQ. Not that I'm religious, but it's a good excuse to eat prawns and smoked salmon! Oooh, and Tuesday have a hot date ... outfit selection begins NOW.

The Amazing Flying Woman

My new nickname in certain circles for reasons that I will explain later on.

First, some running! Had our 5km time trial for Can Too last Wednesday, I was aiming for under 29mins, the first km was bang on target at 6mins, was feeling good and in my rhythm. The idea, for us anyway, is for the first 1km to be the slowest and each one you shave a few seconds off and do your fastest km last. So I was aiming for 6min for the first km and about 5.30min for the last. All night these very DARK dark clouds were pushing in, and just as we started we were given a spectacular display of lightning. No rain though, so we weren't particularly bothered ... everyone seemed to rather enjoy letting out a little shriek everytime it flashed. Unfortunately, one lap into the second km we were told the fields were closed and we had to get off. D'oh!

As it turns out it was for the best as, after a discussion with my friend A and our coach we decided it was better if I did the long run the next day and the tempo run on Saturday morning. I went away for a wedding, waaaay out in the sticks, which was on Saturday and I was in the bridal party. So it meant that I had plenty of legs for the 14km run on Thursday. It was a great run, although I went out a little hard and didn't get the negative split I wanted, but I was bang on time overall. It felt GREAT, from about 20 mins on, and afterwards I was ready to take on the world.

Saturday morning's run wasn't so good as I was knackered and had five drinks the night before at the pre-wedding dinner. Oops. I was also "forced" to eat a heap of garlic bread because my meal was RUBBISH. Urgh. Anyhoo, started to feel good at about 25 mins or so, so ran for another 15 to get some small benefit from it. Whoo hoo.

The wedding was fabulous, although my GOD my make-up was bad ... far too white. I knew the poor girl was in trouble when she started putting the foundation right down my neck - wrong colour! Far too pale, but frankly I didn't really care as it wasn't my wedding and I wasn't paying for anything. The groomsmen we were with were LOADS of fun, which made the two hours of photos much more enjoyable ... although the fact it was so dry, dusty and HOT still made it very uncomfortable. We were all grumbly by the end.

It all went swimmingly up to the bouquet toss when I became the Amazing Flying Woman.

One of the bride's (E) friends who I cannot stand, A, is basically a friggin' cow. She's about 6ft tall and - you will later find out how I know this - weighs 130kg. Which doesn't bother me, but I don't think she realises her own strength or something. She helped me with my flightplan. Actually, she is pretty much wholly responsible for it.

We were getting ready for E to throw the bouquet, and I was just being a bit silly jumping up and down saying "me, me" but we'd all actually already said we'd let M (another bridesmaid) catch it as her and her BF are getting "that way" inclined. Anyhoo, A doesn't like me - a well established fact - not sure why, COULD be because at high school she was slim and I was … not so slim, and now she is a heifer and I am … not so much of a heifer. Mostly. Anyhoo, for some reason she ran up and - as I was jumping into the air - she pushed me with two hands … hard.

Thanks to Newton we all know what goes up must come down … witnesses told me I flew about two metres before landing on my left shoulder, hard, on the dancefloor (one of those temporary/panelled types they set up in marquees and the like) and slid about another two metres ... after hitting my head. I came to rest basically curled into a ball, wondering WTF had happened. At the time I thought it had been an accident - that she'd run into me, it actually wasn't until the next day I found out it was entirely on purpose. OMG.

The lovely groomsmen rushed over and helped me up … and a big crowd formed, those who'd seen it or heard it. A was laughing, and I remember one of the groomsmen asking me if I was alright. Of course I said yes because I didn't want to cause a scene … and thankfully, for the most part, I was alright. Suffering a bit now but nothing's broken.

Anyhoo, they dubbed me the amazing flying woman … who needed to work on her landings. And A was dubbed the freight train among other things! Biatch. Later in the night she was, laughing, saying "I thought you were STRONG" and I'm like "I AM strong, but not when I'm hit mid-air without warning" and said "I know I look fat, but I only weight 65kg!" and she says "oh, well that might be the problem because I weigh twice as much as you". Yikes. No wonder I flew.

For the rest of the night people who'd seen the whole thing unfold kept coming up to me, asking me if I was really alright, telling me they didn't think I was going to get up and that I'd broken something - and one lady said she got her phone out ready to call an ambulance! The next day was worse - because they were ringing E to say congrats, and asking if "that bridesmaid" was alright! Which was nice, but it kind of scared me about how bad it could've been.

Have a mighty sore shoulder, neck and hip ... but considering all the things that could've gone wrong I'm very, very lucky. And I have a new nickname! Although would be much better if it were because I was a super fast runner or something.

Today is a new day

I have just about recovered from Friday's horrible-ness. Although it would help if that moron would stop texting me telling me he's sorry and that he just wants me in his life, in any way, shape or form. Bah! Have ignored everything.

I woke up with the poem below going through my head ... a bit paraphrased mind you, as I can never remember it all! Damn brain cells killed by booze, ha ha. Anyway, this is my attitude to life ... do not wait for it to happen, do not wait for it to get better, to change - go out and get it. Do not slip quietly into the shadows, stand in the sun and enjoy every second.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

     -- Dylan Thomas

The World of A$$holes

I've entered it! That guy who I had such a faaabulous night in Canberra with ... well, I went out with him yesterday. A six hour date. It was equally as fabulous, exciting, nerve-wracking etc etc. We were having a great time until he dropped the ultimate bombshell. He's married! With kids! OMFG I wanted to punch him in his gorgeous matinee idol face.

He went on with the usual crap, he's unhappy, he wants to change his life, he thinks I could be the one to help him turn his life around. It was horrendous. As I told that DOUCHEBAG, I am not that girl. I don't care how much I like him ... sorry, liked him, how much fun we have together, how many things in common we have etc etc, I am not going there. Told him if he's so unhappy with his life he should do something to change it, or suck it up and shut up. Moron.

Stalked off to meet friends for dinner, had short bitch about it and moved on. He texted me about 10 times during the night. Ignored it. Continuing to ignore calls etc.

Despite zero sleep I still went running this morning, was supposed to be 12km but I was sooo tired that I managed more like 11km. Going to go again tomorrow morning before work. I need to burn off some serious anger ... although it's not really anger, it's serious annoyance. And I am so offended that NONE of the guys on that boys' weekend, many of whom I was talking to during the night, didn't mention it to me! Including the guy I went to uni with ... in fact he was encouraging me, telling me what a great guy he is. Argh! Cannot believe this happened. Oh, and another gold star to him - he assured me this was not in fact the first time he'd cheated on his wife. Although he didn't think kissing me and leading me on was really cheating. I wonder how SHE would feel about that. Bastard.

So, blaaah. After running had quick shower and change and then went and had pre-bridesmaid disaster weekend facial. It was soooo so nice. Ahh. Keeping very low profile tonight, need to get some sleep.

Back to reality

Hideous running session last night. 8x400m. I suck at this, I am not a speed demon - my brain isn't calibrated for short, sharp bursts of running ... I prefer the mental challenge of 1hr-plus runs. Argh, anyway, I made it through but felt sick in the stomach for most of it. Hadn't felt fabulous during the day, no appetite (VERY unusual) and headachy, but I figured the sick in the stomach thing was simply from the exertion.

Very early this morning discovered that oh no, it wasn't the exertion ... I have some disgusting, vile stomach bug that is making me wish I could crawl up and die. Or at least have my mum here to look after me. I know she would come to Sydney if I wanted her to ... but I'm sure in another 24 hours I will feel human again. Dear god, I hope so as I have that blimmin' hot date. Refuse to cancel.

Doc has given me a shot of something, starting with M ... I can't remember, I was in a stupor. Hah, but on a side note - if you ever want to go through the queue at a medical centre quickly - turn up looking green with a bucket! There was nothing else that could be done! I'm sorry, I would rather carry a bucket around with me than puke in public. Thankfully I didn't have to worry, was in the surgery with a shot in the arm in about 2 mins.

Very good way to cut down on food intake, but I really do NOT want to be here again. Save me! Or at least get my mum to Sydney :)

What a difference...

I don't know if it's the Bikram, the running, the Pump or any of the other stuff I've been doing ... but something seems to be working! I am ignoring the scales, mainly because mine are in no way accurate and I hate getting on them in the gym (they're in the middle of the weights area AND are those old fashioned ones which do not make it easy to do a quick weight check), but things are looking HEAPS different. Especially the arms, especially the hated upper arms ... suddenly I'm not hating them quite so much, I'm seeing more definition and when I brush my teeth there's nothing dangling from under my arm! Noice.

I actually think the biggest change is in my head. I went to Canberra to watch my dear Brumbies BEAT THE LIFE out of the hapless Waratahs on Friday, took me ol' dad and my mum tagged along in lieu of my little bro who had to stay in Sydney. Found out - via Facebook - that an old uni friend of mine was going, so we organised to catch up for a drink at the game and head out afterwards. We went to pretty much the ONLY pub in Canberra I know, and I had one of those fabulous nights you replay in your mind 1001 times a day.

The pub was PACKED, but the crowd had such a good natured vibe it was unbelievable (or maybe un-Sydney). The line for the bar was four deep all the way around, but people weren't getting pissy, the bar staff were rushed off their feet but were still friendly, and those waiting were well-mannered and friendly, chatting and following the bar honour code - knowing who was there first and letting that order before them. Bumping into people in the crowd didn't result in a filthy look, but a happy smile! Whoo hoo.

It was soooo hot inside, so my friend and I escaped outside where it was also packed but at least had some ventilation. We sat at a big table which was half-empty and immediately its occupants started chatting to us, they soon left and more people came and struck up a conversation. I love conversations with strangers ... you never know what they might have to say!

Anyway, my friend had gone off to the loo and bar and I was happily sitting and waiting for her when this guy trips on the uneven paving stones and almost lands in my lap. Hah, what luck, I think. We got chatting about the game, he was a Waratahs supporter (sucker) and I enjoyed gently ribbing him about the game. The hilarious twist came when my friend came back from the loo and he recognised her ... from uni, the same uni I went to! Suddenly my mind took 10 years off him, and added some hair and I did vaguely recognise him ... but he absolutely did not recognise me. I didn't think it necessary to point out that since uni days I've lost about 15kg ... oh, and stopped letting friends cut my hair, stopped wearing jeans/RMs/rugby jerseys every day and started wearing heels, nice clothes and make-up.

This guy was with a big group (ie: 15) of guys who were on a boys weekend away ... yeah, I thought Canberra was an odd location too, but oh well! Soon enough I found myself surrounded by these men who all wanted to talk to me, tell me how fabulous I was and make me laugh. They seemed to alternate, introduce themselves, have a bit of a chat before the next one barged in and did the same. Soon I was happily ensconced in a conversation with four of the guys, including the uni guy, and my friend - no, I hadn't forgotten about her.

The next thing I know this gorgeous, gorgeous man good naturedly elbows the guy closest to me out of the way saying "excuse me, we haven't met" ... looks me fair in the eye and says "Hi, I'm XXXX", replied with "Hi XXXX, I'm Amanda - nice to meet you". Then HE says, in front of these five other people, "Hi Amanda, you are absolutely beautiful" ... then moves on to introduce himself to my friend. It was so smooth I wanted to vomit on him ... but at the same time you could NOT wipe the smile off my face ... argh, I'm such an easy touch, flattery will get you everywhere. Managed to pick up the conversation with the original group, but this guy had other ideas ... jostling people around so he could stand next to me and then took the conversation in a completely different direction.

It continued along that vein for the next hour or so, I would start talking to other guys in the group or my friend - and sooner or later MrX would be squeezing in next to me, pushing some other bloke out of the way to talk to me. God, call me pathetic, shallow or whatever but I was LOVING it. It has been SO long since I had some male attention ... despite two years with D!! I had forgotten what it was like to actually be desired by the opposite sex, to be flirted with, charmed and have people vying for your attentions.

I'm not sure if it was me, or the other guys in Mr X's group, but one or all of us gave in and while they would join conversations with me - they realised that Mr X had an agenda and did not try so hard to flirt with me. As for my friend, I TRIED to stay with her - I really did - but she did seem happy in conversation with various guys. I should mention that while I love my friend dearly and loved catching up with her, at the time when the uni guy nearly fell into my lap the conversation well was running a tad dry. We do not have nearly as much in common, she still dresses like we both did at uni ... but with a bit more of a surf edge, and she still makes no effort with hair or make-up. Each to their own, but it made me realise how very different I was to that girl from 10 years ago - naturally!

After MUCH cajoling Mr X finally convinced me to join him inside for a dance. In fact, I think it was uni guy who said "just go have a dance with him, he won't bite!" that pushed me over the edge. On the dancefloor, in front of a pimply uni student cover band who weren't half-bad, we joined the sweaty crowd for some dancing ... unfortunately the song was Funky Town which is NOT really one of the best dance hits in the history of music. There was air guitar ... from both of us. Yeah, it was lame but it was very appropriate and funny. And then, on that sweaty, packed dancefloor filled with uni students and rugby fans, Mr X kissed me! It was absolutely one of those frozen-in-time moments, when all the people around us faded away ... and it was a nice kiss. No tongue, soft and lingering ... ahhhh.

That was enough for me, not being one to partake in pub pashing (hello - tacky much?), I made him go back outside and rejoin the group ... where I found my friend making her escape. I felt sooo bad, so VERY bad for leaving her ... but I was just electric after Mr X's kiss. Oops, my bad. The boys' weekend group seemed to be disbanding, with some going for pizza, some going to other pubs etc. Mr X convinced me to go for a walk with him, to the nightclub where the group were heading next. Naturally I was apprehensive, but he did seem harmless enough and nice.

So we walked, chatted, sat down, chatted. I cannot recall how, but we soon discovered an absolute MOUNTAIN of things in common. Horse riding, pony club, growing up in small-ish country coastal towns, sport, personality, likes, dislikes. It was literally unbelievable. We talked and talked about growing up, about work, about ambitions ... oooh, it was just brilliant.

Anyway, due to the fact I had been up since about 6am, done Bikram, cleaned the house and driven to Canberra I soon hit that sleepy wall that - combined with the six drinks I'd had - was impossible to get over. Mr X only propositioned me once ... but it was a flat out no from me as that is NOT my thang. Not anymore anyway. After meeting up with some of the group, I decided I just HAD to go before I lost my ability to be funny and witty, and fell asleep in the corner. Mr X walked me to a taxi, leaned over the top of the door for a kiss and waved me goodbye.

Ahhhh, a fabulous night.

Oh, and yes - he got my number. Yes, he called. And YES, I am seeing him on Friday!!!!!