Kinda sick and kinda cranky

Just friggin' perfect I tells ya! Survived 99.9 per cent of the year, including a wet and miserable winter, without getting sick only to fall at the final post and catch a cold. I know I'm not alone here, because yesterday when I was in the chemist buying cold and flu stuff there was a host of other people doing the same thing! Ha ha. Oh well. I hadn't been doing too badly up until then, but now cannot breathe through nose and throat is sooooo sore, not to mention the fact my head feels like it's stuffed full of cotton-wool. Blah, whinge whinge.

Up until this point I had been doing a lot of self pep talking. I actually felt like mentally I was getting back to where I wanted to be. I kept buying slimming and health mags, reading websites etc etc looking up weight loss and motivation tips. But then I recognised my old pattern! Duh. Instead of just doing I was looking for external help. And I don't need any! Well, at least I don't need too much. I realised I wasn't going to get anywhere READING about things, I needed to get back to that place where my motivation was self-perpetuating. IE: Ooooh, I felt great after that run on Saturday, must go for another one. Or, gee it felt good to wear that cute dress and know it looked nice, must keep the focus! Much better to feel like that than wish could hide away from people in PJs and stay on the couch.

Half of it is actually me turning my brain OFF. Stop thinking and just do, stop doubting and just do. And especially when it comes to food. Somehow when I was super focussed I got into the habit of just saying "no" to myself and others. You know, when my mind wandered off and was thinking "hmm, fancy a bit of chocolate???" I would say NOOOO. These days I enter into a conversation with myself that goes along the lines of: "mmm, bit of chocolate/biscuit/cake would be nice right now, I could have a cup of tea with it too", "nah, you don't want to do that - minute on the lips a lifetime on the hips", "oh blaaaah, you sound like gran ... besides, I can burn it off another time", "ha ha, well doesn't THAT sound like a certain person three years ago? Well, don't come crying to ME when your jeans won't do up ... ", "HAH, why would I bother? Right, where's that choclit". Or something, either way - I eat the stuff! So, note to self - do not enter into conversation with crazy inner voice.

Same thing applies to that inner voice re: exercise. Today, and yesterday, I allowed it to win because I was really too sick to argue OR face sweating with running nose, headache, sore throat and slight fever (was only at work due to vastly depleted staff numbers). Tomorrow however will not be the same! Determined to go for a nice long walk in the morning (cannot face running ... although, we shall see) and then get to the gym for some Pump! Supposed to be going out with a friend of mine, but I think illness will have to be excuse to avoid. Not really up for it in current state, plus she can be VERY full on on such nights ... lovin' the spotlight, so generally doing things that draw it to her, but I am often caught in it with her! Heh, at the risk of sounding old, maybe when I was 22 I wouldn't have minded a bunch of drunk idiots trying to get off with me ... now am just too crabby and spot a moron far too quickly.

Hmm, this is a nothing post. Blame the cold and flu stuff, it makes me feel weird! Very soon I will get back to more sensible blog stuff not waffling all over the place but talking about what I want to do and why, and HOW.

La la la.