Monday, 10 December 2012
First blog post in forever
It's been ages since I sat down and wrote a blog, but right now I feel like there's just so much "stuff" building up on top of me and I need to vent and let it out before I explode. Or cry at work. In no real order of importance, these are some of the things bothering me at the moment which I do not know how to handle aside from trying to carry on.
1) Frenemies. A very good friend of mine, who has been my support and someone I could talk to about everything and anything, has over the past few months turned "frenemy". I won't go into implicit details, but she ticks a number of the boxes outlined here: http://www.cosmopolitan.com.au/relationships/relationship-advice/2012/12/friend-or-faux-signs-of-a-frenemy/
I know she is dealing with her own sh*t, but I feel so betrayed. And hurt. I sometimes find it very hard to trust people, and this is f*cking why. I put my trust in someone, and tell them things that I would generally keep to myself, and they repay me by cutting me down in public, making negative/backhanded compliments and then passing them off as "helpful advice" when pulled up on them, and the final straw - talking about me behind my back to mutual friends. I'm not the dramatic type, so there will be no grand showdown, instead that friendship will slowly come to an end. Which I'm sad about, but I am quite hard enough on myself without having so-called friends join in.
2) My career and "the future". Having been made redundant twice in the last three years, I have come to truly appreciate job security. The constant feeling that things could go arse up and I could be, once again, looking for a new job is extremely draining. The second time I was made redundant, I made an incredibly bad job decision by taking on a role (and staying for 18 months) that involved unrelenting pressure, stress, and unprofessional behaviour both from within my own company and my client. It pushed me into a hole of fatigue and sickness, and a very, very bad headspace. I never want to be there again.
My current role is much more lifestyle-friendly, but I have concerns about the stability of the company. More than that, however, is the future. Do I want to be doing this forever? What do I want to be doing forever. I have been thinking about doing a Dip Ed and becoming a high school teacher and/or TAFE teacher ... but there seems to be no security in this profession either. I really need to take some time to think about where I truly want to be in five or 10 years time, because right now all I can manage is "employed" and hopefully earning more than I am now.
3) My health. I feel like I'm on a slippery slope ... in fact, scratch that, I AM on a slippery slope. I started smoking again, socially, but it's gradually becoming an every day occurrence. I do NOT want to be here. Even as I type that, though, a voice inside says "f*ck off, yes you do". I am not enjoying the side-effects of smoking, of course, but I am enjoying the fact it gives me some momentary relief. From what, I am not sure, but when I'm smoking I'm not thinking about all the other stuff that's bothering me.
Speaking of which, my fitness/weight. I am trying so hard to accept myself and love myself regardless of my weight, because I do not want to define myself and my self-esteem based on a few kilos. Which is literally what the difference is between me feeling bad about myself and me feeling great, around four kilos. But a few years ago I worked really, really hard to change my life because I was not happy, and now I feel myself sliding backwards. I am trying really hard to stay positive, because my fitness is still in the excellent category, if only I could get my body/metabolism to play along.
4) Flatmate sh*t. My flatmate is ... ridiculous. First, when I asked her - more out of courtesy than anything else - if it would be a problem if my BF stayed the night, she said no. It made me feel ... like a houseguest rather than a paying tenant. Her reasoning behind it was that her mother was staying with us, but on the night in question her and her mother were out until 11.30pm, long after the BF and I would have been in bed, and then still hadn't stirred out of bed at 8.30am the next morning - also an hour and a half after the BF would have left to go home.
The second point on the flatmate, the drama queen factor. I cannot STAND this. She turned what should have been a simple request into a "house meeting", and worked herself up to the point where her hands were shaking and she was nearly crying. Her request? Please don't smoke outside/around the house. Does she say this? Nooo. She starts off by saying "when I was first looking for a flatmate, two years ago, one of the things I said was an issue was smoking. Now, at the time you weren't a smoker and now you sort of are and it's an issue". So, I said "no worries, I won't smoke anywhere around the house or units at all - okay?" But no, this was not enough for her. She had to go on and on about how a neighbour had complained, and she had to apologise - for which I apologised and offer to go and tell them it wouldn't happen again. No, no - I'd done enough, apparently.
I was happy to leave the conversation there, with my sincere apology for smoking within 50 metres of the front door and pledge to not let it happen again, but no. She then needed to start raving on about how bad it is for me, and asking me why I'm doing it. THIS I do not need, especially not from her. I refuse to have my lifestyle choices questioned by someone who considers dinner to be a plate of wholegrain rice crackers, sprinkled with a thick layer grated cheese, microwaved for a minute and then covered in a liberal splodge of BBQ sauce. (I kid you not, I've seen her eat this at least five times).
All it needed was an adult conversation - Her: I hate cigarette smoke, please don't smoke anywhere outside or within the vicinity of the house, a neighbour complained. Me: I'm really sorry about that, I totally understand and I absolutely won't let it happen again. I'll apologise to the neighbour if you like. Her: No, that's fine. All good.
The over-dramatised "house meeting" I could have handled, and the anti-smoking rhetoric as well. I want to stop, as soon as possible, I just need to get myself there in my own time. The final straw was her juvenile "hiding" in her bedroom for the evening, and every evening after that. I mean, WTF? How old are we here?
5) Final point, I promise, the "boyfriend". Fark me, but why does this stuff have to be so bloody hard? I've "finally" met someone, after more than four years essentially single (with some three-month stints in there), who I really, really like. And - most surprisingly of all - he really, really likes me. The fact he lives two hours away is, basically, sh*t ... but can be worked around. It's more the fear I have building inside of me. I've built up my walls to protect myself, and whenever I've been seeing someone I've pretty much kept them up ... so that when things go to sh*t, which they inevitably do, I know the a$$hole hasn't really hurt me because I kept those walls up protecting what I needed to. I know it's the most ridiculous cliche, but I am just completely terrified. I want to just surrender to the way I feel when I'm with him, and trust that he will be worth risking the heartache ... but I honestly don't know if I can go through it all again, I've always picked myself up and carried on - the "strong" one - but I'm so tired of being strong, and I feel like the next hit I take will be the one that carries me over breaking point.
I had been feeling great about the BF, but he's had to go back on a commitment he made (about coming to see me and meet some friends) because of other arrangements with his ex-wife and daughter. I know, I know, I know I shouldn't be upset - because he must put his daughter first - and it's not that I'm upset that he isn't coming to see me and meet my friends ... it's more that I feel this is a warning or a premonition of how things will be. While I know his daughter absolutely must come first, and I wouldn't respect any father who didn't make his children his priority, I don't know if I can accept always being second ... or less. I don't know if my skin is thick enough to have weekend plans cancelled at a hour's notice because something has happened - this happened before our first date, when his ex-wife called him and declared she couldn't handle having their daughter for the night, and that he had to go home.
Having said the above, the thought of just walking away from what could be something amazing is absolutely unfathomable ... but, the "self-protector" in me is already planning ahead. I just wish I knew what the right thing to do was, that someone could just come and say "you should stay with him and risk it all, because it will all work out in the end" or say "no, move on now and save yourself a lot of hurt".
Okay, I think that's it for now. I appreciate these are all first world problems, but they are problems - my problems - nonetheless and causing me a LOT of emotional stress and turmoil. I know I will get through this sh*tty period, I just wish I felt more confident about it.
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Time to get help
Whoo, three times in a week. What's going on! Lots, is the answer.
After my all out, all change post I decided to take all my measurements and write them down. To be blunt, I was HORRIFIED. Looking in the mirror was NOT a pleasant experience and discovering I'd put at least 6cm onto my waist was just heartbreaking. All that hard work gone in a few weeks of careless eating and doing not much at all.
So after a minor freak out and contemplation of going on a diet of protein, vegetables and water I decided it was time to call in the experts. Say what you will about Jenny Craig (money-grubbing etc etc), they've helped a lot of people lost weight over the years and taught them how to maintain it. Losing weight is not the problem for me ... maintaining that loss is, because I lose focus and don't seem to manage to move into the maintenance stage of weight loss - and there is one!
My first meeting was a little confronting as it involved a tape measure, scales and looking at my diet. My two problem areas in terms of diet are alcohol and, get this, NOT eating enough at the right times and not eating enough when exercising. Who knew! My general diet plan has always been to eat mainly protein and veggies, and essentially as few carbs as possible really. To quote a great movie, I was doing it wrong. Smaller portions, lower calories, balance of everything (carbs, fats, protein, veggies etc) at regular intervals through the day = having more energy, feeling more awake AND losing at least 3cm off my waist in about a week! I also feel so, so much better ... I do actually have more energy and I had the best night's sleep I've had for aggges last night. The cooler weather and sleep-inducing rain on the roof probably helped too.
Of course, cutting the booze completely would've saved me a good couple of thousand calories too. It's quite miraculous though, I went out to see a band with friends on Saturday night and did not touch a drop of alcohol. Unheard of for me! I'm no boozer, but I love a drink here and there. But I stuck to soda water with lemon, and a cheeky diet coke because I was falling asleep. I saved a fortune because I didn't drink and drove so no taxis, AND I woke up early the next day feeling good.
It's amazing the different a few CMs and kilo or two makes, whether you've gained or lost it, for me it's the difference between feeling comfortable and feeling uncomfortable and unattractive. Critical time now, need to maintain this behaviour through some challenging situations (Christmas Parties, dinners etc).
Onwards and downwards.
After my all out, all change post I decided to take all my measurements and write them down. To be blunt, I was HORRIFIED. Looking in the mirror was NOT a pleasant experience and discovering I'd put at least 6cm onto my waist was just heartbreaking. All that hard work gone in a few weeks of careless eating and doing not much at all.
So after a minor freak out and contemplation of going on a diet of protein, vegetables and water I decided it was time to call in the experts. Say what you will about Jenny Craig (money-grubbing etc etc), they've helped a lot of people lost weight over the years and taught them how to maintain it. Losing weight is not the problem for me ... maintaining that loss is, because I lose focus and don't seem to manage to move into the maintenance stage of weight loss - and there is one!
My first meeting was a little confronting as it involved a tape measure, scales and looking at my diet. My two problem areas in terms of diet are alcohol and, get this, NOT eating enough at the right times and not eating enough when exercising. Who knew! My general diet plan has always been to eat mainly protein and veggies, and essentially as few carbs as possible really. To quote a great movie, I was doing it wrong. Smaller portions, lower calories, balance of everything (carbs, fats, protein, veggies etc) at regular intervals through the day = having more energy, feeling more awake AND losing at least 3cm off my waist in about a week! I also feel so, so much better ... I do actually have more energy and I had the best night's sleep I've had for aggges last night. The cooler weather and sleep-inducing rain on the roof probably helped too.
Of course, cutting the booze completely would've saved me a good couple of thousand calories too. It's quite miraculous though, I went out to see a band with friends on Saturday night and did not touch a drop of alcohol. Unheard of for me! I'm no boozer, but I love a drink here and there. But I stuck to soda water with lemon, and a cheeky diet coke because I was falling asleep. I saved a fortune because I didn't drink and drove so no taxis, AND I woke up early the next day feeling good.
It's amazing the different a few CMs and kilo or two makes, whether you've gained or lost it, for me it's the difference between feeling comfortable and feeling uncomfortable and unattractive. Critical time now, need to maintain this behaviour through some challenging situations (Christmas Parties, dinners etc).
Onwards and downwards.
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
going my own way
Had to skip Pump last night as I was trapped at work until 8pm and didn't walk in the front door until around 8.40pm. This morning I could not face any of the classes on offer at the gym, so I made up my own cardio/weights mix.
Warm-up/cardio:
15 mins on cross trainer
5 mins of rowing machine
Weights
Warm-up:
10 push-ups (on toes)
20 squats
20 circles forward with 2kg hand weights (arms out parallel to ground)
20 circles backward with 2kg hand weights (as above)
20 overhead presses
Three times through
Working set:
10 kettlebell swings with 16kg
20 one-arm clean and press with 12kg kettlebell (10 on each arm)
10 dynamic lunges
10 backward stepping lunges
Five times through
Abs:
10 v-sits
20 seated paddlers with 6kg medicine ball
1 min standard plank
30 second plank on both left and right
three times through
And done! Was probably working at about 70% for most of it, can't really hammer back into it after taking a good six-week break from this sort of training, but felt good!
Warm-up/cardio:
15 mins on cross trainer
5 mins of rowing machine
Weights
Warm-up:
10 push-ups (on toes)
20 squats
20 circles forward with 2kg hand weights (arms out parallel to ground)
20 circles backward with 2kg hand weights (as above)
20 overhead presses
Three times through
Working set:
10 kettlebell swings with 16kg
20 one-arm clean and press with 12kg kettlebell (10 on each arm)
10 dynamic lunges
10 backward stepping lunges
Five times through
Abs:
10 v-sits
20 seated paddlers with 6kg medicine ball
1 min standard plank
30 second plank on both left and right
three times through
And done! Was probably working at about 70% for most of it, can't really hammer back into it after taking a good six-week break from this sort of training, but felt good!
Sunday, 27 November 2011
All out, all change
Ahh, well it's been a LONG time between blogs! FB and Twitter have taken over ... as has wordpress, which is w
here I'll be heading next I think.
Been a crazy busy year with lots of highs and lows, highest points were moving house in a bid to save some money and get acclimatised to living with people again after a three-year stint alone. I suddenly realised how miserable my flat was making me - too small, too far away from everyone, too far from work etc etc. It's been a great move, and my flatmate is wonderful but has enough funny quirks that she keeps me entertained.
Another high point was running a marathon. I'd always been secretly afraid of setting myself such a big goal. I knew that if I trained for it properly I would be able to do it, but I really, really wasn't sure if I could stick to a five-month training regime. Well, I did! And I pretty well nailed that dirty bugger :) The day turned out to be very hot, completely out of the blue, and very dry and dusty. Not great running conditions. But everyone suffered and we all made it. "We" being my running buddies and I. Not everyone achieved their goal times, but the main goal is really to finish anyway.
Low points. Got to be being made redundant from my job. Handled terribly by the company I was working for. Essentially, on Tuesday we were told they were restructuring the department and 50% of jobs were going, we had to reapply for the positions we wanted (had to, yes, at this stage redundancy wasn't offered), on the Wednesday and Thursday of the same week we had interviews, and on the Friday we were told of the results. To be honest, I wasn't overly surprised but I was still disappointed and it was still a shock. Worse was still to come, as redundancy still wasn't on the table and I was encouraged to focus on "redeployment", but they couldn't tell me how long I was going to stay in my job for etc. Finally about a week and a half I was told that I was being offered a redundancy, but had to work for another three weeks to receive it. Which was 'fine', but it kinda sucks to have to hang around with former colleagues who've taken your job (not on purpose, but you know what I mean).
The other low comes soon after this as I started a new job, but it has pretty much turned out to be a complete disaster. Small company with no procedures, processes, documentation and zero training or support. It's been a seriously miserable couple of months struggling through trying to teach myself how to use the system and deal with client issues etc. I'm really hoping things get better soon, but I'm throwing myself into it 200% from tomorrow to try and make things better from my side. Will then give it another few months and reassess.
So that's just about brought me up to speed for this year. A combination of running the marathon, stopping running due to (minor) injury and just being kinda sick of running, work/stress etc means an extra 3-5 kgs have crept on. Small fry I know, but on my small frame it makes a big difference and I am nooot happy about it. But instead of throwing myself into exercise and eating like a bird for a few weeks to resolve it, I'm really assessing how I can make permanent and effective (healthy) changes that will allow me to maintain a healthy weight rather than having to resort to extremes.
Eating is pretty simple - cut out the naughty bits that have crept in is number one. Because I was running so much I could allow myself these little treats, but now I've pulled right back I've had to pull them out ... but it took me a while to recognise this ... or maybe accept it. Things like chips, chocolate, biscuits, cheese and biscuits. I didn't eat any of them that much or every day, but a bag of chips one day, a chocolate bar another, cheese another = 3 or 5kg gain!
So I'm back to my older way of eating - low dairy, gluten-free where possible, low carb, low GI, lots of lean protein and veggies. Breakfast is five-grains organic porridge with some almond butter and rice milk, snacks are nuts or veggies, one piece of fruit a day, sheep milk yoghurt, lunch is a salad with lots of bits and pieces (eg: broccoli, capsicum, celery, carrots, baby spinach, cucumber, egg/chicken/tuna), and dinner is a big half-plate of veggies and around 200g of lean protein.
Trying out a mix of different exercises/regimes to see what I like and keep things interesting. This week I'm planning:
Monday: 30 min run in the morning and pump class in the evening
Tuesday: Bikram yoga (evening)
Wednesday: Fun yoga in the evening
Thursday: 30 min run and kickboxing training, yeah!
Friday: Tabata session or Bikram
Saturday: cycle class plus weights
Just need to write it all down so that I have a record of it - especially in my mind.
Obviously this won't be the same every week, but so long as I do something 3 or 4 days a week plus eat well, things will move in the right direction and I'll maintain my sanity.
here I'll be heading next I think.
Been a crazy busy year with lots of highs and lows, highest points were moving house in a bid to save some money and get acclimatised to living with people again after a three-year stint alone. I suddenly realised how miserable my flat was making me - too small, too far away from everyone, too far from work etc etc. It's been a great move, and my flatmate is wonderful but has enough funny quirks that she keeps me entertained.
Another high point was running a marathon. I'd always been secretly afraid of setting myself such a big goal. I knew that if I trained for it properly I would be able to do it, but I really, really wasn't sure if I could stick to a five-month training regime. Well, I did! And I pretty well nailed that dirty bugger :) The day turned out to be very hot, completely out of the blue, and very dry and dusty. Not great running conditions. But everyone suffered and we all made it. "We" being my running buddies and I. Not everyone achieved their goal times, but the main goal is really to finish anyway.
Low points. Got to be being made redundant from my job. Handled terribly by the company I was working for. Essentially, on Tuesday we were told they were restructuring the department and 50% of jobs were going, we had to reapply for the positions we wanted (had to, yes, at this stage redundancy wasn't offered), on the Wednesday and Thursday of the same week we had interviews, and on the Friday we were told of the results. To be honest, I wasn't overly surprised but I was still disappointed and it was still a shock. Worse was still to come, as redundancy still wasn't on the table and I was encouraged to focus on "redeployment", but they couldn't tell me how long I was going to stay in my job for etc. Finally about a week and a half I was told that I was being offered a redundancy, but had to work for another three weeks to receive it. Which was 'fine', but it kinda sucks to have to hang around with former colleagues who've taken your job (not on purpose, but you know what I mean).
The other low comes soon after this as I started a new job, but it has pretty much turned out to be a complete disaster. Small company with no procedures, processes, documentation and zero training or support. It's been a seriously miserable couple of months struggling through trying to teach myself how to use the system and deal with client issues etc. I'm really hoping things get better soon, but I'm throwing myself into it 200% from tomorrow to try and make things better from my side. Will then give it another few months and reassess.
So that's just about brought me up to speed for this year. A combination of running the marathon, stopping running due to (minor) injury and just being kinda sick of running, work/stress etc means an extra 3-5 kgs have crept on. Small fry I know, but on my small frame it makes a big difference and I am nooot happy about it. But instead of throwing myself into exercise and eating like a bird for a few weeks to resolve it, I'm really assessing how I can make permanent and effective (healthy) changes that will allow me to maintain a healthy weight rather than having to resort to extremes.
Eating is pretty simple - cut out the naughty bits that have crept in is number one. Because I was running so much I could allow myself these little treats, but now I've pulled right back I've had to pull them out ... but it took me a while to recognise this ... or maybe accept it. Things like chips, chocolate, biscuits, cheese and biscuits. I didn't eat any of them that much or every day, but a bag of chips one day, a chocolate bar another, cheese another = 3 or 5kg gain!
So I'm back to my older way of eating - low dairy, gluten-free where possible, low carb, low GI, lots of lean protein and veggies. Breakfast is five-grains organic porridge with some almond butter and rice milk, snacks are nuts or veggies, one piece of fruit a day, sheep milk yoghurt, lunch is a salad with lots of bits and pieces (eg: broccoli, capsicum, celery, carrots, baby spinach, cucumber, egg/chicken/tuna), and dinner is a big half-plate of veggies and around 200g of lean protein.
Trying out a mix of different exercises/regimes to see what I like and keep things interesting. This week I'm planning:
Monday: 30 min run in the morning and pump class in the evening
Tuesday: Bikram yoga (evening)
Wednesday: Fun yoga in the evening
Thursday: 30 min run and kickboxing training, yeah!
Friday: Tabata session or Bikram
Saturday: cycle class plus weights
Just need to write it all down so that I have a record of it - especially in my mind.
Obviously this won't be the same every week, but so long as I do something 3 or 4 days a week plus eat well, things will move in the right direction and I'll maintain my sanity.
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Fed up and confused
Okay, this may be a wee bit self pitying so - be warned. But, seriously, WTF is going on.
Do not ask me why but I put myself out there, once again, and went on a date via an online dating site. We had a great connection, but kept it very low key - as we both wanted to. We both agreed there was a click and that we wanted to see each other again.
I got a cute text message (last night) saying that he thought I had a gorgeous smile and an awesome body. The last bit is quite laughable, but whatever, I'm not going to argue. I always maintain that I look GREAT in clothes as I know how to dress for my shape and cover the bits that need coverage. But I digress.
This morning I sent him a message thanking him for the sweet message, and saying that I thought he was pretty damn hot himself, and that I couldn't wait to see him again. He replied asking me when he got to "feast his eyes" again, and we agreed that we would catch up - today - and that I'd call him after my swimming training session.
Well, I did my bit! Called and left a message, which might've been a little bit of a silly message (just referencing something we'd spoken about a week prior. I forget that I have great recall of small conversation points, and that maybe others don't). So, guess what, I didn't hear from him! I sent him a text five hours after I called saying I was sorry if I offended him, saying it was just a joke, and all I got back was a text saying "what offended me?" I wrote back saying "hee hee, nevermind. I guess it didn't in that case. So, when are you free to chat/catch up". And ...zilch..
Blah. I do NOT understand. At 9.30am he's telling me he thinks I'm a spunk and that I'd be a "dream" to touch (hah) and literally four hours later he's ignoring calls and not returning them.
Tell me, what happens in four hours????
Do not ask me why but I put myself out there, once again, and went on a date via an online dating site. We had a great connection, but kept it very low key - as we both wanted to. We both agreed there was a click and that we wanted to see each other again.
I got a cute text message (last night) saying that he thought I had a gorgeous smile and an awesome body. The last bit is quite laughable, but whatever, I'm not going to argue. I always maintain that I look GREAT in clothes as I know how to dress for my shape and cover the bits that need coverage. But I digress.
This morning I sent him a message thanking him for the sweet message, and saying that I thought he was pretty damn hot himself, and that I couldn't wait to see him again. He replied asking me when he got to "feast his eyes" again, and we agreed that we would catch up - today - and that I'd call him after my swimming training session.
Well, I did my bit! Called and left a message, which might've been a little bit of a silly message (just referencing something we'd spoken about a week prior. I forget that I have great recall of small conversation points, and that maybe others don't). So, guess what, I didn't hear from him! I sent him a text five hours after I called saying I was sorry if I offended him, saying it was just a joke, and all I got back was a text saying "what offended me?" I wrote back saying "hee hee, nevermind. I guess it didn't in that case. So, when are you free to chat/catch up". And ...zilch..
Blah. I do NOT understand. At 9.30am he's telling me he thinks I'm a spunk and that I'd be a "dream" to touch (hah) and literally four hours later he's ignoring calls and not returning them.
Tell me, what happens in four hours????
Sunday, 10 October 2010
There goes my brain....
Cranky post - be warned.
First, some good news. I can fit into my skinny jeans (skinny as in small sized, not skinny leg jeans - I could never wear them), with no muffin top and 100% comfort sitting down. Rockin'! Means, of course that my OTHER jeans are now too big. Blah, I'm buying new ones.
Secondly, I need to slap myself very hard. WHY do I do this to myself, why. Goes something like this - met a great guy last weekend, went out with him for drinks the next night. Caught up with him on Wednesday and went out for drinks on Friday. Was a smitten kitten, smiling like a loon. So, what happened at drinks on Friday. Duh! Had lots of drinks, let him convince me to let him come home with me ... I was like, fine, but I'm wearing PJs and you're keeping your hands to yourself. All seemed good until about 20 minutes into falling asleep when we start kissing and one thing leads to another - yadda yadda yadda.
So, guess what? This guy who previously - as in on Friday - was telling me how much he liked me and literally asked me to be his girlfriend, has now fallen off the face of the earth. WTF? He sent me a text on Saturday saying he had an amazing night and thinks I'm fantastic and have the best legs in the world (obviously a lie), and then - poof. He was gone. I sent him two follow-up messages and heard nothing back for over a day and a half. Considering prior to Friday I heard from him at least once a day, it's obvious something is up. What can I say ... the only thing that happened between Friday and Saturday was me sleeping with him.
WHYYYYY the f*ck did I do it??? I mean, apart from the obvious reason (a few too many drinks). I know better than that, especially with a guy I like! Bloody hell.
Anyhoo, in other good news - I'm on holidays now so have two weeks to forget about it. Plus, going up to far north Queensland for some sun ... coming back with a tan or at least having caught up on my sleep deficit.
Lesson may have finally been learnt eh? No more!
First, some good news. I can fit into my skinny jeans (skinny as in small sized, not skinny leg jeans - I could never wear them), with no muffin top and 100% comfort sitting down. Rockin'! Means, of course that my OTHER jeans are now too big. Blah, I'm buying new ones.
Secondly, I need to slap myself very hard. WHY do I do this to myself, why. Goes something like this - met a great guy last weekend, went out with him for drinks the next night. Caught up with him on Wednesday and went out for drinks on Friday. Was a smitten kitten, smiling like a loon. So, what happened at drinks on Friday. Duh! Had lots of drinks, let him convince me to let him come home with me ... I was like, fine, but I'm wearing PJs and you're keeping your hands to yourself. All seemed good until about 20 minutes into falling asleep when we start kissing and one thing leads to another - yadda yadda yadda.
So, guess what? This guy who previously - as in on Friday - was telling me how much he liked me and literally asked me to be his girlfriend, has now fallen off the face of the earth. WTF? He sent me a text on Saturday saying he had an amazing night and thinks I'm fantastic and have the best legs in the world (obviously a lie), and then - poof. He was gone. I sent him two follow-up messages and heard nothing back for over a day and a half. Considering prior to Friday I heard from him at least once a day, it's obvious something is up. What can I say ... the only thing that happened between Friday and Saturday was me sleeping with him.
WHYYYYY the f*ck did I do it??? I mean, apart from the obvious reason (a few too many drinks). I know better than that, especially with a guy I like! Bloody hell.
Anyhoo, in other good news - I'm on holidays now so have two weeks to forget about it. Plus, going up to far north Queensland for some sun ... coming back with a tan or at least having caught up on my sleep deficit.
Lesson may have finally been learnt eh? No more!
Saturday, 2 October 2010
Man update
It's Saturday night of the long-weekend and I've been inside practically all day ... sick! Baaah. Not sure, but I actually feel worse than yesterday ... hopefully tomorrow my quiet night tonight will pay off and I'll feel better.
Anyway, my last post updated everything (pretty much) except MEN. Well, there's been all sorts of strange goings on in that department of late. I've been back on the good ol' online dating scene for a while and ... man, it's super depressing. Here is a quick-fire break-down of my dating adventures:
Short-arse: Lied BIG time about his height (ie: said he was 5'10" and was 5'6") and was total sleeze - sitting WAY too close to me and patting my hand and arm, and also called me darling. When he asked me if I wanted to catch up again I said "sure, as friends", and he texted me the same night asking me out again. It was late, so I ignored it, and the next day he sent me a range of texts telling me I was dishonest and a liar and should've told him upfront I wasn't interested. Phew, dodged a bullet there. Psycho.
Mr Insecure: God-love him but Mr Insecure was great on email, chat and even talking on the phone. But when it came to actually meeting in person - he went extremely strange. Also, he wouldn't share pics. He kept asking me for ones (that weren't on my profile) and came up with excuses not to send any through - saying they were unflattering and stuff. So finally, when I said "let's catch up" he said that he was too embarrassed too because he'd put on weight since his profile pictures. Blah, next. Not because of the weight, but becuase he was chicken sh*t.
Mr Dream Boat: I am so hooked on this guy right now and I have no idea how to get over it! This guy is not from RSVP, but "real life". Met at a ... work function. We work for the same company, but so do 500 other people, and I literally see him once a week. We just hit it off. We have so much in common. So, at this work function we both got drunk and managed to escape the crowds to have a fantastic snog session and line up another date. Which was similarly brilliant, I just loved talking to him and then we had ... well, fantastic sex. He is mega hot (buff) and tall, dark ... oh boy. It was worth the (several month) dry spell. We were definitely going somewhere, but last weekend I was mad busy hosting a ball and having a birthday so we didn't catch up.
Then on Wednesday I find out that he's finally moving departments ... yay for him, boo for me because it means we are now working somewhat together. While he still seemed keen on continuing ... I am just too old to have a relationship with someone I work with - on any level - and I do not want things to become uncomfortable for either of us. It's a great company, and I worked hard to get there - and so did he.
So boo to that. Obviously I am not "upset" because I was pretty instrumental in the decision-making process, and it's good for him. But I just feel like this is the second time (or what, fortieth) time the universe has thrown a great man my way who I can't be with. Bloody hell, I'm guessing there's a message in there for me ... I just wish I knew what the hell it was.
Anyway, my last post updated everything (pretty much) except MEN. Well, there's been all sorts of strange goings on in that department of late. I've been back on the good ol' online dating scene for a while and ... man, it's super depressing. Here is a quick-fire break-down of my dating adventures:
Short-arse: Lied BIG time about his height (ie: said he was 5'10" and was 5'6") and was total sleeze - sitting WAY too close to me and patting my hand and arm, and also called me darling. When he asked me if I wanted to catch up again I said "sure, as friends", and he texted me the same night asking me out again. It was late, so I ignored it, and the next day he sent me a range of texts telling me I was dishonest and a liar and should've told him upfront I wasn't interested. Phew, dodged a bullet there. Psycho.
Mr Insecure: God-love him but Mr Insecure was great on email, chat and even talking on the phone. But when it came to actually meeting in person - he went extremely strange. Also, he wouldn't share pics. He kept asking me for ones (that weren't on my profile) and came up with excuses not to send any through - saying they were unflattering and stuff. So finally, when I said "let's catch up" he said that he was too embarrassed too because he'd put on weight since his profile pictures. Blah, next. Not because of the weight, but becuase he was chicken sh*t.
Mr Dream Boat: I am so hooked on this guy right now and I have no idea how to get over it! This guy is not from RSVP, but "real life". Met at a ... work function. We work for the same company, but so do 500 other people, and I literally see him once a week. We just hit it off. We have so much in common. So, at this work function we both got drunk and managed to escape the crowds to have a fantastic snog session and line up another date. Which was similarly brilliant, I just loved talking to him and then we had ... well, fantastic sex. He is mega hot (buff) and tall, dark ... oh boy. It was worth the (several month) dry spell. We were definitely going somewhere, but last weekend I was mad busy hosting a ball and having a birthday so we didn't catch up.
Then on Wednesday I find out that he's finally moving departments ... yay for him, boo for me because it means we are now working somewhat together. While he still seemed keen on continuing ... I am just too old to have a relationship with someone I work with - on any level - and I do not want things to become uncomfortable for either of us. It's a great company, and I worked hard to get there - and so did he.
So boo to that. Obviously I am not "upset" because I was pretty instrumental in the decision-making process, and it's good for him. But I just feel like this is the second time (or what, fortieth) time the universe has thrown a great man my way who I can't be with. Bloody hell, I'm guessing there's a message in there for me ... I just wish I knew what the hell it was.
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